Pain

I wanted to write about a depressing topic... pain. This feels pretty pathetic to write about, but this is what I'm dealing with - so I thought I should be honest.

I was on prescription pain medicine for 2 weeks before having my MRI. Then on that fateful day 1.5 weeks ago when the cancer was discovered, my doctor switched my pain medicine to something stronger (narcotics), recognizing that the pain of cancer on bones was quite intense. 5 days later, I was at the oncologist, and she switched my pain medication again, saying that I needed to be on something that lasted longer, so that I didn't go through pain every 4 hours when it was time for a new dose. So since last Wednesday, I've been on one prescription that lasts 12 hours and then another one just for "break through pain" that lasts 4 hours. Well, I'm needing the "break through pain" medication continually. So today, the radiation oncologist said that I need to talk to my oncologist about it in order to increase the level, agreeing that what I have going on is quite painful. So Steve talked to the oncologist's office for me later today, and they decided to start having me take the same medication every 8 hours instead of every 12 hours. Then still take the other as needed. Wow.... just a few weeks ago, I was worried about how much Advil I had been taking over a period of a few months. But I certainly feel justified in all my complaints now! ;) ha! We have a notepad by the pill bottles to track what I've taken when. Steve has mostly been taking care of making sure I'm getting the difference medications at the right now. :) He takes great care of me!!!

I've also been discovering over the past week that when the pain gets unbearable, a hot bath is a miraculous thing!!! And I've figured out the best seating arrangements for me. I spend most of my time in the swivel rocker in our family room, with a pillow behind my back for extra support - and using the kids' little Elmo couch as a short foot rest (a full height ottoman hurts too much). I can stay at the kitchen table briefly for a meal, if I sit on a pillow. And I've been bringing a pillow around to sit on at appointments, at church, and even at a restaurant on Sunday. We actually ate out for lunch on Sunday -- first time I've dared to do that in a couple weeks.

I was told that for the first couple days after radiation begins, the pain may actually be worse. Fun. But it hopefully will start to improve soon. The radiation oncologist today gave me all sorts of tips on handling pain meds at the hospital and that I should request to take my own pain meds, which last longer - so that I don't have to wait for a nurse to come to me with something that only lasts a few hours instead, since it could take the nurse an hour to get to me. This did not sound encouraging!! I have my pre-op appointment at the hospital tomorrow, so we definitely need to talk about this. (I'm pretty nervous about the pre-op appointment! It's at 1:45pm on Tuesday at the hospital.)

The radiation oncologist also told me that some patients describe the pain after kidney surgery to be as if someone pounded their ribs with a baseball bat. Oh, lovely. So what this made me realize is... I've already been having very intense pain on my left side for awhile (my shoulder). I can't even roll over in that direction to get out of bed (and yes, I sleep on the left side of the bed). And now, I will have a lovely incision on my right side which will feel like I've been pounded with a baseball bat. So I obviously won't be sleeping on that side either! And I'm supposed to be able to sleep??? Yikes!!! And I'm supposed to be able to roll over and get up?? Not! (I already usually need help getting up anyway.)

I told the doctor today that when both pain meds kick in and the pain actually goes away completely for awhile, I cannot keep my eyes open. They literally just keep closing. He said it's probably caused both by the medications themselves and from just finally being relaxed and out of pain (I had wondered which one was the case - and he said both).

A lot of the pain I experience (other than my shoulder) is down my left leg, in my butt, and specifically in the area of my tailbone (where there is a fracture from a tumor). I've had some pain in my left foot, and it is sometimes numb (I have 2 pinched nerves due to tumors). But my left shoulder has really gotten bad. It's been getting worse, and I really can't use that arm at all now. I am able to bend my elbow up like I'm marching, while keeping the arm against my side, but I can't make any movement that involves moving my arm out from my body or really even lifting any sort of weight with that arm. I'm constantly watching out for others to not move it, lean on it, squeeze it when hugging me, etc. I've had trouble getting dressed and undressed for the past month. And in the past week, I've started having Steve towel dry my hair, because I just can't do it. (What a wonderful husband I have!! :) ) I couldn't even raise my arm to pull my hair into a ponytail tonight, so Steve got his first experience at making a ponytail. :) So although baths have been helping my pains a lot, it's turning into quite the fiasco to get in and out of the tub, mostly due to my shoulder pain. I can't support myself with my left arm, and we have a deep garden tub. Thank goodness it's not my right arm though! And thank goodness that radiation began on it today!! Hopefully things will begin to improve soon... But I'm not looking forward to the pain that I will likely experience in the hospital this weekend. :(

Ok, that's enough of my depressing reality post. ;) Thanks as always for all the prayers!!!! I look forward to being on the road to recovery!!!!!! :) :)