The 130 Day Journal

Approximately 130 days ago, our family's world changed. Who would have believed that our healthy, 34 year old daughter, Karin, had won the negative lottery and was diagnosed with kidney cancer, a condition typically found in 55 year old men?

We suffered through the stages of tragedy including denial, anger, loss, hope, aggressive fighting, and ultimately acceptance.

All of the obvious questions have been asked and the important ones have been answered personally. "Why did God allow this to happen?" "Is this God's will?" We have even suffered the meaningless platitude that "God doesn't make mistakes."

We do not understand God's permissive will which allows evil to exist in the world. We do, however, believe that God strengthens those who call upon Him for help in time of crisis. We have implored Him to help us during these 130 days, and we will continue to do so into the future.

Karin, the optimist, saw the glass as full and overflowing rather than just half full. How can we find anything good in this story? What could be worse in life than losing your dearly loved child? Well, we have found some positive things and, in fact, it could have been worse.

Karin Michelle Walsh Faulkner was not perfect (even Dad knows that), but she was an incredible woman. She set an example with her life which was remarkable to many. Her commitments to her God, her family, and her friends were extraordinary. Her interaction with strangers on a day to day basis brightened their days.

Karin was talented, disciplined, accomplished, intellectually curious, loving, generous, and kind.

The final measure of Karin's life is in her 101 day journey toward death. She asked all the questions of denial. She asked me the worst questions that a Dad can hear: "Did the doctor say that I'm dying, Dad?" "Will I ever be able to hold my babies again?" "Why did God let me have these babies if I won't be here to care for them?"

Beyond the questions of her own doubt, Karin began to leave a legacy of her writing which tells the story of her faith, her courage, her hope, and her love. She expressed her fears and illustrated that courage is not necessary if you have no fear. Karin was fearful yet victorious over her fears.

Karin went through the phase of anger and disbelief regarding her condition and then she fought viciously until the end. She did want to live to be Mom to these beautiful children and to be Steve's wife.

Unfortunately, Karin's life ended; tragically for those who survive, with only reflection and memories remaining.

Karin Walsh Faulkner's life was a life well lived. She accomplished incredible things in her brief 35 years and left a legacy which is a positive example to hundreds.

We are proud of Karin's life, accomplishments, character, and death in the most superlative of terms.

Blessings of the last 130 days include the time itself where we were able to express everything of love and adoration to Karin personally. There was nothing important left unsaid. She certainly died knowing that we love her. We shared together 101 days of dying.

Another blessing of the time is the writings of Karin which we will cherish forever and which have been an encouragement to many, some on a clinical journey and all of us on a faith journey.

For me personally, a blessing of the time was the last 103 hours which Karin and I spent together. I want to believe that she was aware of my presence. I talked to her, sang to her, held her hand, brushed her hair, and protected her. I promised her that I would not leave her and that she would not be in pain. It was an intimate time which is a more blessed memory than anguishing nightmare, although I have my moments.

In the last 30 days of the 130, you, family, friends, and strangers, have been incredibly supportive and have helped us to bring some meaning to this terrible saga. We are deeply grateful to you for your comfort and sympathy.

Please, do not let Karin's life and death be in vain. Let us learn from the positive example of her life and recommit ourselves to faith, family, and friends. Let's hug our children.

The "Karin's Updates" blog should not go on forever, so this represents the concluding post. Your comments are welcome into the future.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your kindnesses expressed in many ways. May we use that which we have learned from the lessons of Karin's life and death in serving God and others.

With sincere appreciation,
Karin's Dad

Found in a memorabilia box

I wrote this letter to the college guidance counselor of Karin's high school after the counselor had requested parents to describe their child for her use with college recommendations. She probably had asked us to write on the attributes which I enumerated.

September 30, 1990

Dear Louise,

MATURITY
When Karin went to France this summer on the Sister Cities Program, she experienced homesickness the first week. She arrived in Lyon on a Wednesday. We talked to her on Sunday. A week later, she told us that after that phone call, she had cried for half an hour. She was despondent and unhappy until Tuesday night when she had a dream: She dreamt that her whole class had gone on Sister Cities. She had somehow made a mistake, jumped on an airplane, and had returned home two weeks early. Once she was home, there was no way to return.
She was very upset that her friends were still having a nice time in France while she was at home alone. When she awoke the following morning and thought about the dream, she believed it was a message to her to enjoy the short time she had in France. If she didn't, she would be very sorry later on.

She is also spiritually mature. She has deep convictions; her faith is personal and a way of life. On her bedroom door is a sign saying, "No Jesus No Peace; Know Jesus Know Peace." On her bulletin board, she has, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends... Romans 13:17-19."

RELIABILITY
When we ask Karin to do something (other than clean her room!!!), we can expect that it will be done to our specifications. Her reliability/responsibility goes a little bit too far when she and her brother (2 years younger) are left home together. She often is a mother hen and demands the same standards of him that she requires of herself.

CREATIVITY
Karin enjoys having parties for her friends and plans them very well. I insist that several activities be prepared, because kids will find something to do, and it may not be what I want them doing in my house. For one party, she prepared a poster for each of her guests on which she wrote their name, found pictures in magazines which portrayed some aspect of that friend, and wrote captions appropriate to each one.

Karin has been a Sunday School teacher. The reason that she taught a class instead of attending her own is that she was disappointed with the childishness of the others in her class, their cliques, and the fact that the teacher was never properly prepared for the lesson. She did many creative things with her class: she used different mediums for telling the Bible story such as puppets, role playing, audiovisuals; she always had a craft for them to make which was of her own creation, not a "dumb" one from the teachers' book; sometimes she made up a game which went along with the topic; and she used an incentive plan (candy and prizes) for encouraging the kids to memorize scripture verses.

CONSIDERATION OF OTHERS
Karin invited people to her parties so that their feelings would not be hurt. Then she called the other guests to explain why she had invited certain people.

ORGANIZATIONAL ABILITY
Since she was very young, Karin has kept lists of who gave her what presents for birthdays and Christmas. She uses the computer to create all sorts of lists: her favorite TV programs, friends and their phone numbers, colleges she is interested in along with data related to them. Her books are in alphabetical order by author (thus pleasing her librarian mother). She keeps a record of all of her grades so that she knows her averages before she receives her grade reports.

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS
If Karin makes a commitment to someone, nothing can force her to break that commitment. There are several families who love to have her babysit, because she takes the job seriously. While she is babysitting, the children have her attention, not the TV, friends on the phone, or homework as many babysitters are apt to do.

Karin is like Horton in Horton Hatches the Egg: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant ...[Karin] is faithful 100 percent."

I know I am a prejudiced mother, but I feel justified. Do you want to see her baby book?!!

Sincerely,
Nina

The Very True Story of a Heavenly Princess

Karin's good friend from Furman, Noelle Thompson, wrote a children's picture book about Karin for Kevin, Kien, and Aria. She published it on blurb.com so that anyone can order a copy of it if they wish. It is a fairytale of a princess with long, curly, brown hair who was conscripted to play a heavenly harp.

The author's description of the book:
As my main memorial for Karin Walsh Faulkner, I wanted to create a special children's book about Karin's life specifically for her children: Kevin, Kien, and Aria to honor their Mom. Thus, this book is full of wonderful memories and large photos. It is also written in the style of one of Karin's favorite types of literature: the fairytale. This book is appropriate for anyone who loved Karin and, consequently, gives a gentle and glorious description of Karin's life happily ever after. [Karin chose the theme "Happily Ever After" for her 35th birthday party this past September 28.]

The author receives no proceeds from this book. The price reflects the price of printing only.

To see an online preview of the book, go to -- http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/532331

Thank you, Noelle, for this beautiful and moving memorial to Karin.