Saying Goodbye

Karin's friends have always been such a big part of her life, and sharing her life stories with her family and friends has always been one of her biggest joys. Checking email and the blogs of friends was always the first thing she did every time she woke up, usually several times per night.

And so I am posting now in honor of her and honor of all the many many friends she has made. It has been incredible to read the blog comments - Karin has touched so so many lives, many of whom she never even met, but only communicated with via mailing lists and email. And I don't think those of you who never met her understand how much she valued you. Almost every day for the last 10 years Karin has told me stories about her friends, and so I know so many of you even that I have never met. Many have 'introduced' themselves in blog comments but no intro was needed, people like Amy Hamlin, all you girls from the cottage some of whom I've had the pleasure to meet and some like Lisa that I've seen only on video, Frank and Vikie and Eli in Alaska, other friends from Mary I, Furman, USC, adoption groups for Russia, and Lang Son Vietnam, and so many more who's names are not coming to mind right now. And of course all the friends we have made together in California and North Carolina.

This morning it became clear that Karin would not recover, and her hands and feet were turning deep purple due to her failing heart.
Knowing Karin's love for her friends and their love for her, we let those who came to the ICU to come in and say goodbye. I'm especially happy that Noelle drove in the night before and so is able to be here with us. I am sorry that brother Greg is not able to be here.

She is off life support now, and being kept comfortable. Amazingly she resumed breathing on her own and her vitals are still all strong. From the look of the it would look like she might wake up and stand, but her hands tell a different story as they are deep purple.

We have been singing hymns to her off and on. Noelle and I even sang a song from The Little Mermaid to her - Karin's favorite movie.

Fading Fast

Karin's liver failed, heart and kidney have mostly failed and not recovered. The kidney doctor said in all his years he has never seen such a strong patient fade so rapidly and he cried.

My Love is going home. Grandma and I are at home scrambling to get to the hospital.

Still uncertain

Karin's condition is still very critical. Some of the med staff have said they had not expected her to make it through the night, but she did.

There have been some improvements.
They found fluid around her lungs and drained it. Her lungs are working much better - she is still on the ventilator and unconsious, but her blood oxygen improved greatly and they were able to reduce the level of oxygen they need to give her.
Another improvement is that they have been able to reduce and then stop the blood pressure boosting meds and her blood pressure has held on it's own.
Her kidney has not recovered but due to improved condition they have been able to do dialisis to clean the toxins from her blood - that is just finishing now.

That is a lot of good news, but it is not all good.
Her system was very toxic for a long time. They still believe all this was triggered by infection but they have not been able to find any trace of the infection, so they cannot target with a specific antibiotic but must use general antibiotics.
She is having heart failure. Her heart function is at only 15%. They don't know why and this might improve with the toxins removed and blood pressure meds stopped.

The next 12 hours are still a critical wait and see period to see if her body will continue to recover now that the toxins have been removed.

Uncertain

Karin had no major changes through the night.
Blood tests this morning show some improvements but one of the critical factors is worse.
Not sure if or when they will say something more can or must be tried.

Many people came to pray in the ICU waiting room last night. Thank you!

The thrree of us stayed with her through the night, for a few hours we were all sleep. Nina and I are home now to get the kids breakfast and shower.

Very Critical Condition

Karin's system is struggling under a very serious infection. Her kidney is not functioning and lungs are barely functioning. They have done everything they can safely do right now and she is in critical condition. Her system could fail with the slightest disruption at this point. All they can do now is wait and hope the antibiotics are effective. They estimate she will be in critical condition for at least through the night. If she can hang on till then and the infection get knocked out, then her system should start to revive.

Her mom and I are with Karin, and dad arrives around 8pm.
Pam Slice and our wonderful new nanny are with the kids, and someone will stay the night so we can stay with Karin.

My Love may be going to her etternal home tonight, and I know they are eager to welcome her there, but I pray that she can stay with us longer, because she is the joy of my life and I and the kids will miss her so much for so so many years still to be lived before I could be with her again.

Respirator

Karin's breathing became more difficult, so I signed consent for her to be sedated and put on the respirator.
She is still very pale, but stable and getting the care she needs.

In case anyone is wondering it is best that she have limited visitors - definitely no germs!! And no flowers of fresh fruit (also can bring some germs -I never knew that!)

Pneumonia

Karin has significant pneumonia in one lung. It came on very fast, and her blood pressure droped from something like 170/90 Monday to 70/40 today. She didn't have breathing trouble until she was in the ER. It is a very good thing that we got her in when we did as she was in very serious danger of organ trouble from the low blood pressure. They've got her blood pressure stablized at normal now.
We are told to expect that she will get worse before she gets better. As the infection in her lungs breaks up in will reduce her breathing even more and there is a good chance they will need to put her on life support, maybe for several days, to make sure her lungs keep going and get enough oxygen into her system.
Very serious, but they know how to deal with this and get her well!

ICU

Karin is being admitted to an ICU bed, due to very low blood pressure and low oxygen level - I guess that's why she was weak and and blue lips!! They will be giving her multiple antibiotics for possible infection, and drugs to boost her blood pressure.

Going to the ER

Steve just called my nurse practitioner at Duke and described how I've been doing since I was there Monday. And she said I should go to the ER today. :( She said we don't have to drive all the way to Duke if we don't want to, so we're going to our closest hospital instead. She said they'll check me out and possibly admit me. UGH!! I have so much to do this week, and I do NOT want to go to the hospital. :(

High Fever

This is Steve. Karin is not well and has a fever of 103 :-(

She had a bad morning, moaning for a couple hours from GI/gas pain and feeling cold, but couldn't keep her eyes open more than a few seconds. She was also very ghostly pale. It was breaking my heart to see her in that shape. I really needed to get to work (can't live without an income) but I couldn't bring myself to leave her like that. Finally at 10:30am she woke enough to sit at her computer and talk. She insisted she was ok and pushed me to work.
I got home at 6:30pm. She was able to wake for a few minutes for a brief description of her day. Grandma says she was awake downstairs long enough to eat some cottage cheese - the most food she's had in a few days, but she seems to have slept most of the day - that's our guess - grandma was busy with kids and Karin was mostly in the bedroom with door closed. Karin's temp was 99 at 6pm. She had no interest in getting up for dinner, then I too was busy with kids until 10pm. Then checked her temp again and it was 103. I got her up and out of bed and to the bathroom. She was unsteady and held me for fear of falling.
She seems very weak. I'll probably call an oncology nurse soon to find out if/when she needs closer attention/treatment.

10:50pm update: she still can't keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds, but her temp is down to 101.

Bracelets!! and Discomfort

Today was Aria's 2nd Sunday at church...and for the 2nd week in a row, we ended up being quite late. Between taking 3 kids to church and my slowness in the morning due to discomfort, it's hard to get there on time. But little did I know that we missed something significant this morning!! Before we arrived, an announcement was made about ME!! I knew about these bracelets ahead of time, but I didn't know that today was the day. So it was announced today that a couple hundred bracelets were made with my name on them...and they were passed out at the back door after the service today!!! They are to serve as reminders for people to pray for me!!!! WOW!!!! :) :) Thank you to everyone who is praying and wearing a bracelet reminder!!!! :) :) I feel sooo blessed!!!!! Kevin got a bracelet too, and he was pretty impressed.

That reminds me that last week in Children's Church, apparently Kevin's class talked about a story about healing. And if they knew someone who is sick, they were to take a band-aid as a reminder to pray for that person (I think I got the story right??). So as I was talking to a friend after church, Kevin came up behind me and stuck a band-aid on my back!! HA!! :) I later found out the explanation from him and even saw that his teacher had written "Mommy" on the band-aid. :) So Kevin had specifically talked about me in his class. What a sweet boy!! :)

As for my status, my side effects are getting worse and more uncomfortable. Some have gotten pretty severely uncomfortable. But today was my final day of taking one of the trial meds for this cycle. Hooray!!! I now get a week off and hopefully will get back to normal for a bit. :) Yesterday and today, I had to eat ice cream for dinner, because there's nothing else I can tolerate due to my sore mouth. Tomorrow is my next appointment at Duke, which will probably last all day, as usual. And I hope to get some help with some of these brutal side effects!! Fortunately, my pain is pretty much under control though. :) And my walking was really great today!!! :)