My Birthday Party!

After we found out my bad news on September 5, we knew we wanted to do something extra special to celebrate my upcoming birthday this month. So Steve and my parents planned a party for me!!! :) I had never been looking forward to turning 35 and being officially in my mid-30's...but the party certainly made the celebration exciting (I love birthdays anyway - regardless of age!)...and it was so nice to have something to look forward to while I was in the hospital!! :)

We had the party on Sunday, September 28 -- my actual birthday. So that was 3 days after I got out of the hospital. It was a princess theme. :) But truly, it was a "Happily Ever After" theme - which is what was printed on the plates and cups.

By the way, the pink roses on the table above were my birthday gift from Kevin. :) Kevin loves to give Mommy flowers!!! :)

My mother ordered me a fabulous castle birthday cake!!!! :) :)


The party was held at our church. They moved a glider rocker out of the nursery for me to use, and I sat there for the majority of the party, as it hurts to stand or walk much. I was pretty comfortable in the glider. :)

And I was crowned with a princess tiara for the day. ;)

I wore my birthday present from my family: a large diamond and pink sapphire cross necklace! My dad had it custom made for me!!! :) It was a gift from my parents, as well as from my brother Greg, his wife Cathi, and their children, Brandy and Jeremy. :)

Steve knelt down to talk to me, and suddenly cameras started flashing all around. Ha! We thought it was so funny, because this same thing happened at our wedding reception 9 years ago! ha! :) Steve knelt down to talk to me while I was sitting, and suddenly everyone was snapping our picture. ;) He's definitely my Prince Charming!!

Kevin posed with the cake.

According to our guest book, there were 61 people in attendance! :) This also included my parents, my brother and his family from Texas, and my Aunt Diane from Canada!


We had a hallway set up for the kids to color princess pictures and watch "Enchanted" (one of my favorite movies!).

Steve gave a wonderful little speech before everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me! :)

I felt sooo loved to be surrounded by so many friends and family -- and to have them all singing to me at once! :)

I realized I couldn't bend over to blow out the candles, so Steve and Kevin did it for me. :)

Denise, Aunt Diane, and my mom helped with the cake.

Kien had a great time with Aunt Cathi - who even fed him cake!! :)

Some friends even came from out of state for my party!!!! :) :) My good friend Jenny is a college friend and former "cottagemate," and my good friend Amber was my grad school roommate. Amber's mother came as well!

This is a picture of the 3 "Furmanites" in attendance. :) Kimberly is a college friend who is local.

I'm pretty sure this picture shows our expressions when we looked outside and saw this...

Uncle Greg had taken Kien outside to play ball! :)


Kien loved the balloons! He thought they were sooo funny!!! :) (The photo above is Aunt Cathi holding Kien...plus Jeremy, Brandy, and Kevin.)

I had such a WONDERFUL time at the party!!! Thank you to everyone who came and helped make my day sooo special!!! I felt very loved!!! :)

Hope

Today was my last day of radiation!! HOORAY!!!! There is always the possibility that my new oncologist may decide to radiate one of the smaller locations that they discovered in the scans that were done within the days leading up to surgery. But for now, I am done with radiation. They did the major areas: left shoulder and pelvic region / right hip.

I was very happy and relieved, and then we had to talk to the radiation oncologist after the treatment today. I was feeling uncomfortable, because getting onto and off of the table had caused some pain today. I was also feeling emotionally anxious about some other things going on, I was feeling a bit sick, and I was freezing cold in their office. So I did not feel like lingering for a long conversation with the doctor. But then the conversation did not go as I had expected. When we asked questions (covering topics that really have already been discussed in the past), I wasn't liking his answers. Basically, his answer was always that there are no guarantees. But some of the answers surprised me... such as the fact that I just assumed that since my shoulder should be getting better in terms of pain, that I will regain function of that arm. But he said that that may not be the case, and I may need to see an orthopedist to discuss surgery. WHAT???!!!! Currently, Steve and my mom are learning to put barrettes in my hair and such, since I can't raise my arm -- and I have a lot of trouble doing other things, such as even getting out of bed, due to lack of movement of that arm. I was so upset at this point and so uncomfortable that I just wanted to walk out of the room. I eventually stood up and paced the room as Steve and the doctor finished the conversation.

After we left, I cried and cried. Steve and I had planned to go get something done after the appointment (I never go out to do anything these days other than appointments, so this was already unusual) -- but at this point, I just asked him to take me home. I just wanted to go to bed. Steve, as always, was very sympathetic, yet encouraging. And he reminded me that he knows that God is going to see us through this. I do not need to be afraid.

So we got home, and Steve had to go make some photocopies for me in the bonus room. I sat on our bed and debated what to do with myself for a few minutes while I waited. And I decided to read the cards that had come in the mail yesterday, while still feeling quite depressed and defeated. And this is when God spoke to me. The very first card I opened was from my cousin John, his wife Jillian, and their family. And it was no coincidence that I read this card at this time. I read it and cried. Then when I showed it to Steve, he also cried and was in complete agreement that this was God's doing. Here is what the card says:

Life's Pathway
An Inspirational Message by Emily Matthews

At times, life's path
seems filled with things
that make the going rough,
And we wish there were
a smoother road,
for we feel we've had enough...

But, if we pause a moment
and remember Who's in charge,
The hills that loom ahead of us
no longer seem so large,
And every rock before us,
when we know we're not alone,
Becomes, not just a stumbling block,
but one more stepping stone.

Then the card's inside says:

You've overcome so many things,
and, every time, you've grown
Through sheer determination
and the wisdom that you've shown.
So, as you face this journey,
from the moment you begin,
Know that God will guide you,
and you'll have the strength to win.

As Steve then said... "Thank you, God!!"

By the way, I should add that I have been feeling better today overall!! And this afternoon, I have actually regained some movement in my left arm!!!!!!! I even had a piece of food in my left hand and actually raised my left arm to put it in my mouth!!!! WOW!!! AND....I NEVER had a panic attack all day!!! WOW!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!! :) :)

Sling Twins

Here are the Mother / Son Sling Twins!!

This is one of the many things I had meant to post last weekend... I am slowly catching up!! :)

Pain and the Story of Our Week

Everything always seems to be back and forth. I was very sleepy this evening, so I thought it would be a great idea to go to bed "early." Well, in the first 15 minutes of drifting off to sleep, my body jerked 5 times. Steve was sitting in bed next to me, reading some papers. So he saw it happen each time. And boy, does it hurt! Right now, my most painful spots are my left shoulder / upper arm and my left lower back. So when I jerk, that is what really hurts. The jerking in my sleep began while I was in the hospital. It's very painful, and like I said, it really hurts the areas that are already really sore -- which always includes my left shoulder. So now I am up while I wait for more medication to settle into my system and take effect before I attempt this great ritual of trying to go to bed yet again. Oh -- and it is sometimes quite a trick to even get out of bed, especially when I'm really in pain, like tonight.

Steve has been talking to a nurse daily to adjust my pain medications since leaving the hospital (and even before I entered the hospital). We gave up on the pain patches on my back (which we began in the hospital to replace the epidural), as they seemed to give bad side effects, such as anxiety attacks. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping and falling asleep, as I couldn't stop talking about nonsense and didn't even know what I was saying. It was like I was hallucinating and just could not settle down to go to sleep, despite my exhaustion.

As of Monday, I have a new oncologist (the specialist at Duke) -- and along with the doctor, that means I have a new nurse, whom Steve has been working with on pain control. Her goal is that I not be in pain at all. Hooray!! I like that goal! ;) So they switched me off the patch and onto a different medication. I have a long-lasting narcotic and a short-lasting narcotic for "break-through" pain. I am also allowed to take Advil along with them. Each day this week, my dosage has been increasing on each of these. Now when I go to bed, you would not believe the pile of pills that Steve hands to me to swallow. But this pile does include a few other items aside from just pain medication.

For instance, I'm also taking anti-anxiety medication. And as of tonight, we have determined that it apparently takes 2 of these pills to keep me from painfully jerking in my sleep. On the 2 previous nights, I had taken 2 pills and fell asleep beautifully! Tonight we decided to only do 1 of them...and well....here I am at my computer instead of asleep in my bed.

The side effects have definitely improved since switching from the pain patches. I don't do all the crazy rambling anymore. But I am still getting VERY sleepy during the day, where my eyes get sooo heavy and I can't keep them open. I also start talking and then I slowly stop making any sense. Steve deciphered today that the anxiety pills are causing this. So although they are doing great things at night, they are not so great during the day. So hopefully tomorrow, the nurse can get me a different daytime option. Because I am still having panic attacks during the day.

And if you know anything about narcotics, you'll know that with all the narcotics I'm taking, I'm also taking a pretty hefty dose of some OTC medications to counteract their side-effects too. ;)

Please pray that we will get the medication sorted out quickly. Please pray that I will finally be out of pain.

I do have periods of time when I'm out of pain, but I also go through painful periods each day. There has been so much change and confusion over the past couple weeks that it takes awhile to get this all right. My lower back pain today started simply because some grape juice went down the wrong way and I coughed. I had to cough several times - and hard. And WOW did that hurt!! So afterwards, I couldn't even walk. And it was time to leave for my radiation appointment. So somehow, I had to get down the stairs with Steve...then onto the radiation table and off again at my appointment, which was very painful, and I screamed. ugh. Back at home, I didn't go back upstairs again for a couple hours - until my pain medication had kicked in enough.

I hate to sound so depressing, but this is what I'm dealing with right now. My incision isn't actually causing much discomfort though. My pain is mostly in my left shoulder / upper arm, where there is cancer around the bone. This has caused some fractures in this area. This pain sometimes extends further down my arm as well, such as to my wrist. So I have been wearing a sling on this arm for most of the day, which tends to help (until I start to feel claustrophobic).

The other main area of pain is my lower back / bottom. And this extends down either leg. Right now, the back of my right thigh is throbbing. This pain is caused by the 4 tumors found in the pelvic / hip region. These tumors are touching bone and/or nerves. So I have 2 pinched nerves and a fracture in my lower back (in my last vertebra). No wonder I hurt!! Ouch!!

Soooo.... yesterday (Wednesday) was my FINAL DAY of radiation on my left shoulder!!!!!! HOOORAY!!!!!! :) :) :) And tomorrow (Friday) will be my FINAL DAY of radiation on my pelvic area!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!! :) :) :) However, they told us from the start that the pain will not end when the radiation ends. They have repeatedly said that 6 weeks after radiation ends, 80% of patients are pain free!

Please pray that I will soon be pain free!! Please also pray that this radiation will have been effective in eliminating those tumors!!

Now that we have been dealing with cancer for 4 weeks, we have finally hit a week with fewer appointments. Hooray! But amazingly, neither of us is able to get much done. We both have so much that we want to and need to accomplish, and it's hard to understand where the time goes. But we've determined that the main problem is pain. Pain keeps stealing our time this week. For instance, it took me until last night, when I was unable to sleep at one point, to finally open a HUGE pile of cards!! They consisted of both birthday and get well cards, and the pile had been growing and growing -- starting from when I was in the hospital! I really enjoyed finally being able to take the time to read through the rest of these cards and feel so loved and blessed by them!!!! :) :) Soon I will also need to find the time to experience the joy of opening the 14 birthday presents that have been sitting in my bedroom since Sunday!!!! Some had been delivered by mail and were saved until Sunday, and some were delivered to my birthday party. I definitely did open a lot of gifts already!! But this collection of 14 remains -- including gifts from my own husband!!!! So far, he has given me an iPhone -- which is awesome!!!! But apparently he bought me some smaller items as well. But I was in so much pain after my party on Sunday night....and then the pattern has just continued this week. So I really look forward to the joy of having a little gift opening party on the floor here very soon!!!!! :) :)

Wednesday morning, I was feeling better, so I extended myself a bit more. For instance, I actually went downstairs 4 times in the early part of the day (before our 2pm radiation appt), but always assisted by Steve. I went down for breakfast, lunch, the appointment, and to play with Kien. My mom had to take Kevin to the orthopedist for his broken arm, and I thought it seemed reasonable that Kien should stay with me and Steve while she goes to the doctor. This was my idea. Well, Steve had to go downstairs to take care of Kien, or he would have attacked our whole bedroom. ;) I didn't want to stay upstairs alone...so I decided to come too (one of my unnecessary trips downstairs). This experience led to some of my extreme pain of the day -- but I must say that, at the time, I had a fabulous time!! Steve, Kien, and I have a wonderful hour of bonding! Kien is just sooooo darling, and he definitely still loves his Mama!!! :) But I do miss taking care of him and playing with him, so I really enjoyed this special time. But I will now be more careful.... because the combination of activities of the morning (including the 4 trips on the stairs) did me in. I was in the most pain yesterday afternoon of any day thus far!! It was just awful. I cried and cried. So Steve called the nurse, and then I was shocked to see the pile of pills in his hand when he came to me after getting off the phone. Wow! And after a couple hours, I felt so good that we were even able to attend our small group at church in the evening for the first time this fall!!!! Praise God!!!!!! :) :) :)

Family Portraits

I have received so many wonderful gifts in recent weeks and have felt such an outpouring of love!! Thank you!!!! One of these priceless gifts was given to me by a friend who is a professional photographer (Anne Clay). She gave us a family photo shoot session just a couple days before my kidney surgery, and then she gave me 4 CD's full of beautiful photos of our family!!! Here are my favorites. :)














Here is Kien at age 15 months...
(We have been a family for 3 months at the time these photos were taken! :) )









Here is Kevin at age 4...






And me with my mom... :)

Sleep!

Steve here. We got a full nights sleep for the first time in at least a week !!
Karin slept 7.5 hours, I slept 9 hours - ahhh
Also, Karin is becoming better able to get in and out of bed without assistance.

First Wheel Chair Ride

Here is a picture of me on my first wheel chair ride. :) ha! This was taken on my cell phone by Steve when we were being discharged from the hospital on Thursday last week. We didn't have my camera, so we used my cell phone - because, of course, I had to have a picture of my first wheel chair ride!! ;)

Well, here's where the story gets funny.... I wanted to catch up on blogging this weekend (ha! while recovering and while family was here and while we were celebrating my birthday! talk about being unrealistic and silly - hee hee!). But I was always awake in the middle of the night, so what better time to blog? So before going to bed Sat night, I asked Steve to please bring my cell phone upstairs and leave it out for me to find -- so I could emails the photos to myself and then blog them. I didn't know where my cell phone was, but Steve seemed to know. I stressed the importance of this -- because I had wanted to blog in chronological order and this was really the next story. (Steve was staying up to wrap my birthday presents after I went to bed! :) ) So when I awoke in the middle of the night with no phone to be seen, I was truly surprised. Surely he did not forget. I had really emphasized it and asked so nicely. So awhile later, when he was awake too (because I needed help doing something, I'm sure), I brought it up. Then he suddenly got very groggy and didn't know where it was....and definitely couldn't get it for me in the middle of the night so that I could blog chronologically. sigh.

Well, the next morning was my birthday. And what did Steve give me for my birthday in the morning??? An iPhone!!!!!! :) :) :) And what was so hysterical is that Steve had already set it up for me and transferred my service from my old phone on Saturday, which is why I couldn't find my phone -- and why he could NOT give me my phone so that I could retrieve my pictures, as that would give away the secret!!!! HA!!!! :) Now the only catch was that I wanted those pictures and that phone no longer has service with which to email them. HA! :) Oh well... I decided to just take a picture with my camera of the wheel chair picture being shown on the tiny screen of my now extinct little cell phone. :)

Oh! And back to the original subject... I have now also ridden in a wheel chair several more times... First for a long distance at Duke to see the oncologist. And then they have started taking me into radiation in a wheel chair, because I'm walking so slow and often looking so out of it (or probably pathetic). ;)

Slightly Better Night

Steve Here. Karin was in pain until 1 AM. Finally slept from 1-6am, walking only twice for a short time. 5 hours isn't great, but an improvement. Once we get the pain under control, looks like sleeping will improve. Other side-effects such as panic attacks are still occuring but with less strength. Trying to take a nap now..

Staples Removed!

Karin's staples - 19 of them - were removed an hour ago. It was a quick and painless process! She can now bathe normally again too (we had to keep the incision dry until now).

Sleep Struggles Continue

This is Steve. We slept a total of 5 hours last night. The longest stretch of sleep was 3 hours. The rest was short naps of 10-30 minutes. It is very very difficult for Karin to get comfortable enough to all asleep - due to aches and pains in her shoulder and legs and lower back. It typically takes 20-30 minutes of frustrating moving Karin and pillows, with a lot of help from me, for her to get comfortable. And even then her mind just can't seem to achieve sleep.. she can't keep her eyes open but with them closed she can't stop talking, often saying thinks that make no sense, basically she's instantly into a half-awake half-dream state and verbalizing her dream. Frequently when she does sleep, after 10-30 minutes her body has an involuntary twitch/jerk, which inflicts great pain to her shoulder and wakes her up crying in agony, which wakes me up. As usual I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open while helping her. I think my shoulders and biceps are getting stronger from helping her up and down every 5 or 10 minutes. This has been the pattern for 5 or 6 nights now. I think this is the first time I've explained it in such detail.

The doctor yesterday thought that taking the anti-anxiety meds, which also have a sedative affect, at bedtime, would help her sleep, but it did not. I'm going to call the nurse again today (as I have nearly every day) to talk about adjusting her medicine to manage pain and reduce side-effects. This time I really need to stress her desperate need for sleep!! How can she get well if she does not sleep!

Meeting Dr George

This is Steve. We had our first meeting this morning with Dr George at Duke. In addition to being a specialist in research and treatment of Kidney cancer, he really did a great job of being compassionate. We're blessed to have all of that in one doctor.

Karin only was able to sleep 3.5 hours last night, on top of not getting much sleep for several days now, and she had another panic attack on the way there (we had to pull into a parking lot so she could get out), and so she took some anti-anxiety medicine, which probably makes her even more tired. So she had a tough time keeping her eyes open while meeting with him. One great outcome of the meeting is that we're switching pain meds again (back to the oxycontin she was on before surgery, but at a higher dose), and have great hopes that the crazy side-effects we've been dealing with for 6 days will go away and she will be able to get much needed sleep! We've already started the transition and Karin was able to fall asleep quickly and is sleeping well! :-) I need to wake her up in a minute to give her pain pills. She's taking only short-acting ones every 3 hours for the rest of the day until we start the new long-acting meds tonight.

BTW, I haven't been getting nearly enough sleep for days either. I've often been up trying to help Karin get comfortable and calm to sleep. I cannot adequately describe it, but our nights lately have been very long frustrating ordeals.. but there are times Karin has woken up when I did not, especially Saturday night as I was so wiped out that I could not hardly get out of bed.

He spoke in a calming way, which was wonderful, but didn't help Karin's struggle to stay awake. I'm going to need to review the meeting with Karin when she gets some sleep and can keep focus. He talked about this cancer in general and it's appearance in our case. As we knew, this is a tough cancer to fight once it has spread, and our's appears aggressive based on the degree of spread. But treatment options are advancing rapidly in the last couple years. There is several treatments available, and it is good of course that Karin is young and has been in good health otherwise and her energy level has been good (prior to surgery).

He spoke to us about the potential of a clinical trial of a new combination of drugs that is showing better results than the drugs separately. We're going to try to get involved with that trial as the first attack on the cancer - to hit it hard right from the start. But we'll need to wait a couple weeks before any treatment (trial or not), to recover more from surgery and radiation fatigue. We're going to meet with him again next Monday to check on status and talk further.

There was more said than I can capture well - It was at least an hour with him, and that was after info was gathered by another doctor first. There was a fair amount of technical info about treatment options, all of which I've already read a lot about and will likely give more info on in the future.

Fun with Family, Birthday Celebrations, Recovering, Pain, and New Oncologist

I have sooo much to say, but unfortunately I have no time to say it (unless I can't sleep tonight and can do it in the middle of the night - ha!). I have been home for 3 days now. I am improving, but I am also still experiencing a lot of pain. So we need to have a chat with a doctor about that tomorrow, because it does get quite severe and has kept me from sleeping most of the last 2 nights. I also was unable to get much of a nap today (which I really needed).

But today was my birthday!!!! :) :) Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes!!!! I am now undeniably in my mid-30's. sigh. ;)

Steve and my parents held a big birthday party for me this afternoon at our church! It was FABULOUS!!!! I can't wait to write more about it and post pictures. :) But that must wait until I at least try to get some sleep...

Also, my dad returned on Friday night from Toronto - along with my Aunt Diane!! And then Saturday morning, my brother Greg and his family arrived from Texas!!!! :) :) So it was WONDERFUL seeing everyone!!! Of course, it was always tricky having to decide whether to socialize or try to sleep (which never worked well anyway). But what a fun weekened after my week spent in the hospital!!! :) :) We did stay home all weekend, with 2 exceptions.... my birthday party today and a professional family photo session yesterday (where they took good care of me by keeping me in a chair).

I will continue with radiation this week at 2pm each day. I'm not sure if my last day will be Thursday or Friday -- or if it's even going to be extended due to those new spots that were located last week. We shall see. I think I have failed to mention that radiation often takes somewhere around 6 weeks to stop the pain. Ugh. (Despite the fact that radiation will be long completed by then.) So unfortunately, we're still working on pain management -- and it hasn't gone well this weekend. I'm also having some bad side effects of anxiety attacks (I have meds for that), sleeplessness, and something that you might call hallucinations (but I'm not sure if that's truly the right term -- I'll try to explain more in a later message).

Fortunately, I stayed pretty pain-free for my birthday party!! :) (But I really suffered for it afterwards. :( ) It was still a wonderful afternoon regardless!!!!! :)

On Tuesday, I will have my staples removed. Oooo. Let's not even talk about that one.

But tomorrow morning (Monday), I have an important appointment with a new oncologist!! He is an expert in kidney cancer treatment and research. Bear in mind that kidney cancer is not even very common, so it is awesome that this man is even in our local area! We were referred to him through multiple channels, including through doctors in both NY and Charlotte, NC.

I don't know what to expect yet out of this first appointment, and I am nervous. Steve is my research guy, so he is much more prepared than I. This time, both of my parents want to attend the appointment. Fortunately, they can, because my Aunt Diane is going to stay home with the boys. :) (She and my dad leave later on Monday.) Please pray for a good appointment and wisdom for all involved!!! Thank you!!!!

I have so much more I want to say once I get my life little more in order. For example, from where I'm sitting in our bedroom right now, I can see 9 birthday presents that I have not opened. What????!!!! That's insane!!!! That just shows how nutty today has been. ;) OH! And then we realized just a bit ago that Steve even had more birthday presents to give me, and he forgot all about them! ha! Busy day. ;)

The Chaos of Coming Home from the Hospital

A few more stories from Thursday...

Steve had asked our friend Bill to get the Odyssey keys (and the Odyssey) from my mom in order to pick us up from the hospital. We figured the Odyssey had the most comfortable seats for me to sit in. However, this is our only car with TWO car seats. Kien does not have a seat in our Highlander. But that was ok, because the boys were still napping, so my mom didn't have anywhere to go. HOWEVER.... my hospital discharge took a LONG time, and Kevin had an appointment with a pediatric orthopedist at 3:30pm for his fractured arm!!!! My mom couldn't leave until she had 2 car seats in order to take both boys!

I think we got home from the hospital around 3:25pm! Kevin was already buckled into the Highlander, so he didn't get to say hi to me and was crying in the car! This wasn't my "welcome home from the hospital" that I had pictured. ;) My mom quickly passed off Kien to us, and we went inside with him. Then we realized that my mom didn't have Kevin's x-rays (they hadn't been given to her at the appt. So during their speedy drive to Kevin's appt where I hoped they wouldn't be too late and miss it... Steve had to figure out the name and number of the x-ray place that the pediatrician had sent my mom and Kevin to the day before. Steve managed to get in touch with them just in time -- and just as Kevin's name was called in the orthopedist's waiting room, the x-rays started transmitting to their office via fax.

Then we had less than an hour to get some new prescriptions from my oncologist's office before they closed for the day. I just wanted to crawl into bed upon my return from the hospital, but this wasn't one of the options. So we chose to have Steve drive to the oncologist's office alone, then fill the prescriptions (which I was going to need soon). I stayed home alone with Kien -- yes, just minutes after returning from the hospital. ;) sigh.

So then after a week of being cooped up in a hospital bed, I got to play Mommy twice in one hour! First, Steve prepped a bottle for Kien, so I held him to feed him - until he was ready to get down to play. THEN... my mom called. Apparently, Kevin was refusing to remove his shirt in order to have his cast put on. ugh! Fortunately, Mommy was still able to save the day. :) The solution involved some communication, explanation, and a bribe. ;) ha! It worked!!! :) I was very proud of myself for still being able to be a Mommy after my week in the hospital. ;)