The MRI Story

So last Friday, Steve called the oncologist's office to figure out a new plan for accomplishing my MRI. We thought I was going to be completely knocked out. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but Steve was told this couldn't happen at the hospital. So then they scheduled me for elsewhere instead -- and they told Steve that I would get valium through an IV. So I wouldn't be completely knocked out afterall, but apparently I would be pretty out of it. And then they canceled the 2 MRI's from Monday and just lumped them all together for Wednesday night.

Our appointment was 5:50pm last night. After paperwork, I think it was about 6:15pm when they called me back. A nice man came out and simply said, "Karin." So I followed, and they said Steve could come back in a minute. He started to ask me a couple questions...then he got confused by my answers. Turns out that out of the 2 women waiting in the waiting room last evening for an MRI, we both had the same first name!!! Oops!!!! I was about to get the wrong MRI. ;) I'm sure it would have been caught at some point in conversation, as it did. But everyone was a bit surprised when they realized that 2 Karin / Karens were being called back at the same time -- and were the only patients there.

So then I was passed off to someone else and to the dressing room on the other side. And they said Steve could come with me! So he also had to fill out a form answering health questions, since he was going to be in the MRI room. And he also had to remove all metal objects from his body and leave them in the locker.

In this initial conversation, I learned one of the best pieces of news of the whole evening.... it was an open MRI!!!!!!!!! We had NO idea!!!!!!! :) :) :) We had really wanted to do this at the same location as last time, but they didn't have any availability. So I was scheduled for the standard closed little MRI machine, which did NOT work for me. And when I was rescheduled, no one bothered to tell us that this was an OPEN one!!!! :) :) :) They said it's only slightly smaller than the one I had been in before (there's something about the other one where they claim that it's the only such-and-such in the whole area -- but apparently this one is almost just as good). I decided though that I better stick with the valium idea, as this was a big deal and perhaps was going to be long. They said they needed to do an IV anyway, due to the contrast that needed to be given to me partway through the test. (The place on Friday was not going to use an IV. They were simply going to give me an injection partway through the test and I was not to move!! HUH???? No way.)

So they had me lie down, preparing to enter the machine head-first this time. And they got ready to do the IV. I wasn't nearly as worried about it this time, because I had focused my worry on the MRI itself. ;) But Steve held my hand and helped keep me calm -- and I did it!!!! I accomplished my second IV ever. :) I've actually lost track of how many times I've been stuck in the past 2 weeks. But again, I gave them very clear instructions to NOT say a word to me about what they're doing!! And they obeyed. :)

The main technician was a man, and then there was a woman who was helping (a nurse?). They were both very nice and a huge blessing. They were very patient with me and were just great (unlike the people on Friday who were like 20 years old and just clueless when I freaked out). So they got me set up and asked if I wanted a cloth over my eyes. This has been offered multiple times now in various tests, and I have always declined. But this time, I did wonder if I should take it. My concern was that it might make me feel claustrophobic. But she said I could always choose to remove it. So I let her put it on...and after a minute, I decided I wanted it off. So I pulled it off (before I was in the machine), and then I panicked!!! I had no idea that she had already attached a cage around my head!!!!! OH MY WORD!!!! So I flipped and asked them to take it off!!! I needed to calm down before anything else was done and asked them for the valium. I had made a passing comment when we entered that perhaps I wouldn't need the valium since it was an open MRI...but then had decided I should have it anyway, but I guess I wasn't clear to them. Anyway, they got the doctor to come administer the valium. Whew!!! Then the cloth went back on -- and believe me, I kept it there!!!!! I felt more relaxed and it was time to go in. I don't know what time this all began, but I'd guess it was around 6:30pm.

They were starting by taking pictures of my head. Another way that they were just great... the technician spoke to me all the time!!! He could talk to me, and he could hear me when I talked in there. So he was always telling me, "This next test will take about 2 minutes." Each time, he gave me the length of the next test!!!! That was soooo awesome!!!!! I think the longest one ever was 5 minutes. There were some that were 4 minutes. But often they were only 1 or 2 minutes - and once in awhile, they were 20 seconds. And so it was clear to me that when the machine made noise, that's when something was happening. When it was silent, we were in between tests. That was not clear during my previous MRI. During my first MRI 2 weeks ago, the guy didn't communicate with me at all until the very end. That one was to last 25 minutes, but Steve said it was about 45 minutes in the end. But I also had no cloth on my face, no cage over my head, I went in feet first, my head was out of the machine 50% of the time, and I had no IV.

After a little while, my mouth really started feeling dry. This has been happening to me in other long tests too when I have to lie still for so long. So since he was communicating with me and could hear me, during one of the little breaks, I told him my mouth was really dry. So he said the lady would try to bring me a drink. She put a straw in a cup of water and tried to reach it into the machine to my mouth. But I was lying down and blind and it dribbled on me. This kinda freaked me out and started to make me claustrophobic. So I asked them to please pull me out. I don't remember all the details now, but I think that they pulled off the head cage and the cloth, but they wanted me to lie still. I asked if I could sit up to drink, but they didn't want me to, as that would mess up my positioning. So Steve held the drink and tried to get me to drink out of the straw. But as we talked, I guess I was getting panicky. And I really needed to use the bathroom...so.... we gave up on the idea of me not moving. So Steve held my arm ask I walked to the bathroom, and he rolled along my pole attached to my IV. Yikes. I've definitely never had that before and tried very hard to ignore it.

When I came back, I needed more valium to be able to continue. So the doctor came back...and then we were ready to go again. It went well for awhile, but I don't remember what exactly happened this time. I think it was during this timeframe that they told Steve he could speak to me. So I heard his voice telling me that I was ok and doing great. However, it was muffled. I knew he was very near me, but his voice was very muffled - and it made me feel like I was stuffed in a box. This was not good. I had earphones on my head to help block out the sound of the machine. And hooray! They did also give me music, like last time!!! :) But this past Friday, they were NOT going to give me music - and they were only giving me ear plugs. The music is a BIG help. So again, I don't remember what happened this time....but I started to panic. And I hit the panic button in my left hand. My left hand held a ball to squeeze if I needed them to shoot me out of there. And my right arm contained the IV and a little pulse thing on my finger. Again, they pulled me out of the machine. They were very encouraging and were not upset with me. They said I was doing great and more than halfway done!! (In the end though, I'm not sure that I was truly halfway done timewise at this point. They may have miscalculated on that. But it had probably been at least at an hour at that point.) I was getting quite panicky and said I really just wanted to cry. I knew that crying on my husband's shoulder was exactly what I needed -- to just let it all out. But I also knew that crying was not going to help me hold still and remain composed. So they tried to discourage me from it as well. But again... I needed to use the restroom. They asked if I could wait another half hour. But I knew I couldn't make it. (Isn't it great sharing all these personal things on the web??? ;) But with the strong pain meds I've been taking, let's just say it's been causing issues...plus I've been drinking tons of water....so yes, I definitely needed yet another break.) They forewarned me that each time I move, they will have to redo some stuff. They were ok with that and were very nice. And I knew that I would rather redo some tests than lie in there without movement for that long length of time. So out we went again...with Steve pulling the pole behind us to the bathroom.

By the way, I haven't said this directly yet, but.... that valium was not truly helping me. I did feel it relax me somewhat the first couple times. But I thought I was going to be pretty out of it. That was totally NOT the case!! So I was surprised that when I got up both times, I was pretty woozy and definitely needed Steve's arm for support in walking -- and the nurse said so too. That I should not be walking on my own for awhile. So after this 2nd break, I asked if I could have valium again, as I was increasingly getting freaked out. The technician was very nice, but he told me that the doctor said I could only have 2 more doses. I said that I did want one. I didn't know if I could really go back in there again without it. So the doctor came back and gave me my 3rd dose.

The technician explained what we had left to do. He needed to finish the one section of my spine, then it would be time to give me the contrast through the IV. He wanted to do that same section of my spine next with the contrast, as it would be easier to stay in the same spot. Then he would do my head next with the contrast. I had asked if he could remove the head cage when he was done with it. It would only be after that when he would be done with it. He said he could do that, but then there wouldn't be much left afterwards. Just the remaining part of my spine (I don't remember the terms....but the lowest section of my spine was done in my original MRI...so the 2 next sections were done both in this one session, plus then also my head, making 3 separate MRI sections done in one session). So anyway, he said he could remove the cage, but it would only be for about the final 10 minutes of my whole MRI.

So I went back in....with the hope that I was almost done. He seemed to think that the rest of the it would take about 30 minutes. But both Steve and I think it did take longer than that. I guess things can take longer than they originally anticipate? Anyway, this ended up being the best part of the whole MRI. I was finally able to truly get peaceful. Oh! And at some point shortly before this, I was then told that the doctor said I could have no more valium. Turns out he only wanted me to have 3 doses, due to the strong pain meds that I'm already on. He said it would be too dangerous to give me anything else. Of course, I was very disappointed -- but I'm glad they are concerned about my health and safety.

So.... I had tried so many different head games in that machine to pass the time and remain calm. I feel far to silly to say what eventually really really worked for me. It wasn't any of the obvious stuff. It wasn't even what had kept me calm during my first MRI. The head cage was a new hurdle to overcome mentally. So I finally was able to come up with a detailed mental game which incorporated a "good excuse" for the very loud terrible noises that the machine would make...and I kept my mind focused on my game and building upon it throughout the rest of the MRI. Well, I'll just say it....even though I feel silly. It just involved pretending that when I'd hear the noise and the bed would sometimes even move due to the noises, I'd pretend that I was in one of those big massage chairs at a nail salon. So instead of the noises and movements being scary, they were working on relaxing my back. And since Steve had one of his hands on my foot, I pretended that I was having my nails done. But that was too simple to occupy my mind... so it had to become this elaborate nail painting thing, where I was envisioning exactly what they were painting on my nails and that it was all for my birthday celebration. Anyway... as silly as it was, it was the one thing that I could truly put my mind into that seemed relaxing and believable (due to circumstances of the bed and Steve's hand on my foot) -- and all that matters is... IT WORKED!!!

I hate to even admit that just praying did not help me....because it made my mind think about what was happening. I needed to fully escape and rely on the prayers of others instead. And I did it!!!!! Steve was also able to keep his hands on my leg and foot during this last phase. He was originally rubbing my leg and I called out for him to stop. That was going to drive me bonkers, so I'm really glad he got the message and that he did not speak to me -- speaking would have make me lose it too. But his gentle touch on me was a lifesaver. And I made it through!!!!! I DID IT!!!!!! Steve thinks this session was closer to an hour than 30 minuets. I'm not sure, of course. And when I came out and looked up, no one had spoken yet. So I asked trepidatiously, "Am I done?" And the answer was YES!!!!!!! The technician told me that I was doing so well that he didn't want to pull me out to take off the cage afterall. So no, he didn't keep his word. ;) But I am thankful. He did the right thing. I made it, and we were DONE!!!!!!! We finished at exactly 9pm. WOW. What an evening. I am sure that surgery will be easier than this!!!! ;) (Ok, recovery won't be so great... But surgery itself will be far easier on me personally than this ordeal!!!!)

The nurse actually handed me a handful of Hershey Kisses as we left. ha! And then we headed out in search of a drive-thru to get a drink. All we could find was a Dunkin Donuts, so we got a drink and a donut. ;) And I wasn't even able to talk about the experience or even tell Steve what I had done to get through it until we were almost home (45 minutes later). It was a horrendous ordeal, but it is DONE!!!! Praise God for seeing me through!!!!!!!! :) :)

Of course, I am not blind to the fact that I may need to do this again someday. I'm sure that testing will continue to be done over time to see how I'm doing. I don't know if MRI's will be needed. I have heard that CT scans will (but those were pretty easy - relatively speaking!). But if I ever have to do this again, I know what I want. I want an open MRI. I want my wonderful husband there by my side. And I do NOT ever want to do all 3 areas in one MRI session. The head session needs to be done separately, so that I have the cage on for as little time as possible. And I suppose that the valium must have been helpful....so I guess I would do it again. But wow, it was FAR from what was expected!!!! But for now, I will not worry about it in the least and just rejoice that this part is over. :) Sigh of relief.

Thank you so much for the prayers!!!!!