Mystery Solved by Blog

Yesterday, we received a set of photographs in the mail, which show our Highlander sailing through a red light on September 20 near the hospital. Along with the nice pictures of our car came a $50 fine. sigh. ;)

So then the conversation began.... Who was driving the car???? My parents were both in town on Sept. 20, and they were both borrowing our cars at the time. I am the only one who could claim complete innocence! My surgery was on September 19, and I was in the hospital for several days. So it was NOT me!! ;) ha!

Steve stayed with me in the hospital for almost my entire stay, and although he went home a few times, he was always at the hospital without a car. So it was unlikely to have been Steve. As we discussed this (lightheartedly) with my mom, trying to solve the mystery, she remained the likely culprit for quite awhile -- even at her own admission! She said herself that she knows she recently ran a red light in the area and was worried that perhaps there had been a camera at the intersection. But finally, we realized exactly where the picture was taken, and my mom was unfamiliar with that path to the hospital. So her innocence was determined, and we started to point the finger at my dad. That was easy to do, as he drives fast and wasn't present to defend himself in this conversation. ha!

Finally, I pointed out that we should check the blog from that day to see what went on. And guess what.... according to the blog, Steve went home to visit the boys in the afternoon!!!! And HE is the one who knows that path to the hospital and admittedly used it frequently when driving back and forth. So it was the blog that at last determined our culprit! Ha! :) But in his defense, he was probably pretty frazzled and distracted as he went through that red light. And then we found a video of the offense online, which looks much more innocent than the still photographs. It really had JUST turned red.

Anyway, the bottom line is that you better watch your step when your life is being blogged!! ;)

Thank You!!!

I am still just overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from family, friends -- and even from people I've never met! THANK YOU!!!!

Thank you most importantly for your prayers!!!! I am overwhelmed by the number of people praying for me. Wow. I have a list in my journal of names and/or organizations that is almost 9 pages long now. Each line is a name -- or a whole group of people (such as a church's prayer chain)! That is an incredible number of people. And we have an incredible God! Thank you so much for your prayers, and please keep them coming!!!! :)

I received numerous arrangements - both of the floral and edible variety. :) And that was such a blessing to have both in my hospital room and then in my bedroom at home as I was recovering from surgery! Thank you!!!! My mom actually set up the ironing board in our bedroom to line up all the arrangements. :) I had my own garden! And fortunately, some of them are still in existence! :) I even received a rose bush from my high school classmates!!!! Thank you so much, guys!!!! Wow! What high school class gathers together to send a rose bush (in the school's colors, no less) 17 years after graduation???? :) (Wow - am I THAT old?????) I went to an all girls school with only 40 in our class, and we were (and still are!) a tight bunch!!! :)

I've already mentioned some amazing gifts, such as the diamond / pink sapphire cross necklace from my family, the Boston Marathon medal, the family photo shoot, the prayer shawl from my MOPS group (which I use often and have even taken to appts to keep me warm), CD's, wonderful bath things, yummy goodies, etc., etc.

Then came my birthday... I was so busy happily chatting with people at my birthday party that there was no time to actually open any gifts. And once I got home, I was exhausted!!! I had to rest for the remainder of the day. I was also in pain, but the party was worth it! :) So needless to say, the presents remained wrapped and the cards remained sealed. We dealt with pain management that whole week, and I wanted to save the presents for a fun time when I could enjoy them. Finally by the next weekend, I was ready!! :) And Vanessa helped me finish opening my birthday presents! :) I also read my cards late at night one evening by myself. :) Thank you all for EVERYTHING!!!! Every card, every gift and every prayer!!!!! I wish I could send a thank you note for each item. So I hope you all know how much it all means to me! And I'm writing everything down in my journal, which is a great encouragement to me. :) And thank you for all the delicious meals that so many of you have been providing for our family!!! It has been a BIG help!!!! :)

One of my closest friends went on a mission to see if she could get us a free night in Cinderella's Castle at Disney World, knowing that Disney is one of my favorite places on earth! ;) Well, that isn't something that Disney is willing to give away -- except as part of their "Year of a Million Dreams," where it can only be won "by chance." BUT...in her investigating, she did discover how our whole family can get FREE 3-day passes to Disney World!!!! We just have to send in a couple letters (from us and from my doctor), and we have 3 free days at Disney!!! :) I told Steve on the first day we found out about my cancer that as soon as I'm better, I want to go to Disney World. And he said that we would. :) So thank you, Noelle!!

Another extra special gift came from my Aunt Diane. She gave me a pearl necklace which belonged to my great grandmother! Wow. And she wrote a beautiful card to explain the wonderful gift. And the card itself was in a set of cards purchased by my grandmother before she died. As Aunt Diane said, "She would have meant to share these words with people who would need to be reminded of God's care." So it's as if my grandmother was giving me this card as well. :) And I just realized that the verse about God on the front of the card was written by a woman named Della -- which was my grandmother's first name!

Now just today, I received a package in the mail which was a beautiful pillowcase which was signed by all the mothers in Kien's Mother's Morning Out program!! I have only even been there once, so I don't know the majority of these people. My mom has been dropping Kien off at his program one morning per week without me. But I know that they've been praying! I have even received multiple cards from various people associated with that church (which is not the one that we attend)! Anyway, the pillowcase is filled with messages of encouragement and notes saying that they are praying for me!! I counted 42 messages, mostly from women I have yet to meet! Wow!! Thank you all!!!!! :)

I have actually received numerous cards from people and groups of people whom I have yet to meet!!! :) Thank you all so much for the prayers and encouragement!!! :)

End of Week Update

I haven't posted for a few days, because I didn't have much to say. But my dad told me this morning that some people are wondering if I'm ok since I haven't said anything. ;) So I guess I better speak up to say that I have nothing to say! ;) ha.

Seriously though... I can make a few brief reports. First of all, my pain is soooo much more under control this week!!! Hooray!!!! :) I do experience some pain each day, but it's usually only about once per day -- and usually after I've been asleep for awhile. It is a vast improvement. I've also started going both up and down the stairs alone! Very slowly... but alone! :) But I do still need help getting up from a reclined position or from a low chair, and I can't sit on a hard chair. (I bring a pillow with me when I leave home.) I've also been spending increasingly more time downstairs this week. (Last week, it was hard to get comfortable anywhere downstairs and the craziness of the downstairs would make me panicky at times. Apparently that is normal, and I have anti-anxiety meds to deal with it.) My arm has definitely improved since a week ago! But I still can't do much with it, unfortunately. Please pray for increased movement and function in my arm.

To be honest, both Steve and I are feeling more depressed this week. Things are in transition right now, and it's stressful. We were in crisis mode for a whole month, and there was no time to think. Now we've having time to think (which is really needed) -- and to talk about things -- and there are a lot of stressful things to discuss, which has left both of us feeling more upset. I have to remind myself that things are going to be ok and that God is with us.

I'm still tired a lot. I've taken a lot of naps this week, particularly in the evenings. So then I end up awake for a couple hours around midnight (our normal bedtime). But last night, after being up at midnight, I slept through the night (about 6 hours) for the first time!!!!! :) :)

I also did something else unusual yesterday... I left the house for something other than an appointment! My friend Denise came to take me to Starbucks! I was surprised at what a big deal it was for me. I'm still having anxiety / panic attack issues, and that is often a problem in the car. So I had some trouble with that. And the sun really bothered me in Starbucks, which was kind of odd. But otherwise, I had a great time chatting with my friend and am so glad I went!! :) It also felt strange to see the rest of the world just moving along with normal life, and it's odd to realize that it's October. I feel like I missed a month somehow! But I'm doing well and improving...and I did get out of the house! Hooray! :)

And now my friend Denise's daughter is going to nanny for us for a couple weeks starting next Friday!! That will be a big help as Steve tries to get back to work, and my mom needs to go home for a couple weeks. That will help us a lot as we try to figure out more of a long-term plan (we don't even know what type of help we will need quite yet). Also, my dad arrives tonight again for the weekend.

My current prayer requests are:

• Healing!!! For the cancer to be GONE!!!
  
• Peace
• Increased hemoglobin to the proper level within 1.5 weeks, so that I can begin the clinical trial (they are testing again this coming Monday, but the following Monday is the goal to begin the trial)
  
• Wisdom in making big decisions, both in terms of health and our family (and agreement between me and Steve in decision making)
  
• Continued improvement in my left arm and regained function
• Diminished pain and increased mobility, so I can take care of my precious boys
  
• Peace for Kevin and Kien during a confusing time
  

Two Appointments Down and No More This Week!

It's Tuesday afternoon, and I'm actually done with appointments for the week! Wow! Things are starting to slow down - at least for now. Something interesting that I was told at my final radiation appointment last week... Some people have emotional difficulty after radiation ends. During radiation, you have a daily appointment where something is happening. People are daily doing something to help you and check in on you. And then it suddenly ends, and some people struggle with the transition. That had never occurred to me before, but I can see how that would be true. So that is one prayer request...for peace during this transition.

Also, I was aware in advance that another factor would probably bother me. And that is that during the first week or so, I had to undergo a lot of tests. Then I had surgery. There was no question in this. I had surgery, I stayed in the hospital, and then I came home to rest and get better. During this time, I was also having daily radiation appointments. There was no question in this either. But now I have finished both of those steps. I am still also recovering from both of those steps, but they are done. So now I am at the next stage, which is not as cut and dry. We started this next stage by meeting with my new oncologist last week, and then yesterday was my 2nd appointment with him. I knew that my appointment was to begin at 10am with a blood test. Then I would meet with the doctor. Ironically, I wasn't so concerned about the blood test (many of you know that this is fairly incredible - ha! Praise God!). But I was quite scared about the appointment. I had no idea what to expect, except that we were going to discuss options, talk about what's happening to me, and use the big scary "C word." So I'm struggling with the transition now in that way as well and would definitely appreciate prayers for wisdom, comfort, peace -- and healing!!! Yesterday's appointment went "well," but it was stressful for me. A lot of people have been applauding my strength and courage, but this was definitely one of those times when I didn't feel like I had a lot of it. Granted, I am fighting, I did attend the appointment, and I did do all that was asked of me. So I suppose those things in themselves did require some courage. ;)

The blood test actually went very well! As usual, I asked the nurse to please not say a word to me about what was happening and to not mention "the B word." She was good at doing both things, so Steve sat on the other side of me, and I looked only at him, as he held my hand and we discussed Kevin's Halloween costume. With each needle encounter, I have asked Steve to talk to me about something else. I have now discovered that it helps me most to discuss something that is truly a discussion requiring thought. So for the past 2 times, we have seriously discussed Kevin's pirate costume. ha! It just helps to immerse myself in a conversation and ignore what is happening. And the blood test ended up being really no big deal!! :) Hooray!!

Then we had to wait a long time for the doctor's appointment. We were forewarned that we will always be waiting a long time to see this doctor, but that we should realize that it is because he is spending all the time necessary with each and every patient -- and will do the same with me. So I think it was about 2 hours later that we saw the doctor. We sat in an exam room waiting, both playing with our new iPhones (fun! these are coming in very handy with all the waiting for appointments! :) ), and with me dozing off periodically. I've been so tired lately. Finally, we met with the doctor, and he is really great. Not only does he seem to be a great doctor, but his personality is great. He has even mentioned God one time at each appointment. Now that my pain is finally under control with proper meds (HOORAY!!!), he wants me to stretch myself more in physical activities (limited, of course), and if they cause pain, I should just take more medicine. But he doesn't think I need to push it with doing stairs a whole lot at this point -- or even sitting in hard wood chairs. ouch.

By the way, my left arm continues to improve! I still can't do much with it, but I can do SOME things!! In particular, I can reach up to my face with that arm. So I can put on my own glasses with 2 hands, I can use 2 hands on a kleenex, I can hold a phone with my left hand so that I can write something down with my right, etc. Hooray!!! Praise God!! It has improved a lot just since Friday! :)

Anyway, we talked a lot about beginning a clinical trial which involves the combination of 2 drugs. One drug is already approved and the other should be by the end of the year. But the trial part involves the combination of the two drugs at once. This is the doctor's recommendation, so I think this is the way we will go. But it sounds scary to do a clinical trial. The side effects don't seem horrible, but they had to talk to me about all the potential side effects - and that was scary. The doctor thinks there is a lot of hope for me with this trial, so that is great (but that doesn't mean I won't get side effects!). Then he brought in a woman who is in charge of the clinical trial, and she spoke with us for a long time. She was very nice as well.

First of all, they want me to recover from surgery for another 2 weeks before beginning the trial. If we were to just proceed with the single "targeted therapy" drug, I could begin in one week. But the doctor thinks it's worth having to put it off for another week in order to achieve the potential added benefit of the clinical trial (and if I start with the single drug next week, I would be ineligible for the trial).

However, my hemoglobin and iron are both still low, and the hemoglobin has to be corrected before I can participate in the trial. So they want to correct that in the next 2 weeks. They didn't seem overly concerned about being able to achieve that, so I hope that it is truly likely that this problem can be solved that quickly. And I would like to ask for prayers for this -- that my hemoglobin level would increase, so I can begin treatments on time! Thank you!!! I've been taking iron pills since leaving the hospital. Also in an effort to boost my hemoglobin levels, they decided to send me to the treatment area for a shot yesterday. Fun.

Another stress factor for me yesterday was simply being there. It's a cancer clinic, and everyone is sick. I would feel uncomfortable being there even if I was well! Also, it's such a large place that at this point, I have to be transported in a wheel chair. It's just too far for me to walk. So I was being wheeled all around a scary cancer clinic, and that was taking a toll on my nerves.

We went to the waiting room for the treatment area and had to wait for our buzzer to go off for almost an hour. In the meantime, I heard other families chatting with each other about their situations. That was unnerving. But also, I felt so blessed to realize how many people are traveling long distances to be there -- and for us, it's local!! Thank you, God!! That is a HUGE blessing!!! I heard one couple saying that they had an 8-hour drive to get home after the treatment was finished.

We were called into the treatment room, and I wasn't prepared for what it was going to be like. It was a large room where lots of people were receiving all sorts of treatments -- either on beds or in comfy chairs with TV's on the ceilings. And after I was led to my chair for my shot, I discovered that I was getting more than just a shot. I was also going to have a 15-minute IV treatment. (My husband also learned that surprises are not in my best interest. ha! He thought he was saving me from anxiety by not filling me in on the IV part ahead of time...but I had a bit of a breakdown instead.) So I had a 15-minute IV treatment to help my bones heal. This actually was something that Steve had read about and asked the doctor about -- which is the only reason I received this treatment! But somehow, I didn't catch what the conversation was about when it happened. But apparently, Steve also didn't know that this would be done via IV until he overheard that later. Regardless, this was a good thing and hopefully will help me! So I had my IV treatment. Then I had the shot. And ironically, the shot was the most miserable item of the day, out of the 3 times I got jabbed! It really hurt!! The nurse even said that the medicine in the shot was very painful. Yup. Ouch.

Finally, we were done and on our way home -- after 7 hours!! A friend had invited Kevin over for a play date and dinner, and we were so late that we weren't even home in time to be there to install the car seat in her car! sigh. But they went for a walk while they waited for us, and Kevin did get to go on his play date. He even asked when he could go back again -- and lucky for him, they have already offered to make this a weekly play date!! Praise God for such great friends!!! :) This will be great for Kevin and for all of us. :)

Then today, we had a post-op appointment with the urologist. It was completely the opposite of yesterday's experience. It was so simple that the urologist wasn't even interested in looking at my incision to check on it! Huh?? The only issue really discussed was that I am numb below the incision, and he said that was to be expected. He said he had to cut a nerve, as it was "in the way." He's an interesting character. ;) ha. But a good surgeon!! I also mentioned that I have barely looked at the incision myself, but that others have called it "beautiful." He said he thinks that it is less than ideal because of what he had to do in order to get the job done. But he did say that because it's on my own body, he doesn't blame me for not wanting to see it. ;) Anyway, that was the end of our appointments for the week!! Amazing!!!!

So many people are praying for us, and I thought it would be helpful to be more specific as to some prayer requests. So here is a list of things that I would be so appreciative if you would pray for:

• Healing!!! For the cancer to be GONE!!!
  
• Peace
• Wisdom in making big decisions, both in terms of health and our family (and agreement between me and Steve in decision making)
  
• Increased hemoglobin to the proper level within 2 weeks, so that I can begin the clinical trial
• Continued improvement in my left arm and regained function
• Diminished pain
• Peace for the boys while Mommy and Daddy are away so much and for me to be able to spend more time with them and start to take care of them myself very soon
  

End of Weekend Update

I had a really great weekend in multiple ways. First of all, my cousin Vanessa came to visit me for the weekend from Canada!! :) We don't get to see each other very often (she was even "Matron of Honor" in our wedding), so this was an extra special treat and I'm so grateful that she made the trip to spend time with me during this emotional and difficult time. Her mom was here last weekend for my birthday celebration. :)

So the weekend was filled with chatting with Vanessa on my bed and me taking occasional naps. I have definitely discovered that my bed is the most comfortable place for me to sit. I do have a most comfortable chair downstairs, but after a little bit, I start to get in pain from sitting there. So the bed does work best. I guess the new Sleep Number mattress we bought this summer paid off! ;)

I did go downstairs a few times. And one time, after Vanessa and I had been talking for quite awhile, we headed downstairs -- and I took 2 steps before realizing what I was doing!!! I totally forgot that I need Steve's help to get down the stairs! ;) But we decided to just have Vanessa walk directly in front of me, and I was able to make it down alone, by just holding the rail! :) Coming upstairs is more difficult, and I usually start to feel the strain by the last couple steps. So I've been avoiding going up and down as often in the past few days, as I just need to rest and recover.

Also, I've been surprising myself by being able to do some minor things with my left arm!!! I can't move it very much yet, but it is definitely improving!!! Praise God!!!!!! :) :) :)

I want to point out that in the photo above, there is a medal hanging from the picture on the wall next to our bed. Vanessa delivered that medal to me this weekend (from my dad). The medal is a gift to me from a woman who has worked for my dad for several years and has become a friend of the family. It is a 2008 Boston Marathon medal. In her card, she wrote, "I would like to give you my Boston medal in recognition of your courage, strength and determination as you fight this disease. You deserve this medal more than I." Wow. I feel so honored and touched that she would give this to me. Thank you!!

Vanessa and Kevin had lots of fun playing pirates and other exciting things. ;)

My sleep also improved this weekend!! On Saturday night, I slept for 3 hours straight!! Then for another 3 hours straight after that!! I hope that this pattern continues.

I also discovered this morning that I have lost about 10 lbs in the past month. On the one hand, I'm happy to have lost 10 lbs! I wanted to anyway. ;) But on the other hand, that's a lot...and certainly not how I wanted to lose it.

On Monday morning, I am going back to my new oncologist for my second appointment. It will begin with a blood test. Then I'm not sure what else will happen. I will admit though that I am nervous. Thanks for the prayers!!

My Birthday Party!

After we found out my bad news on September 5, we knew we wanted to do something extra special to celebrate my upcoming birthday this month. So Steve and my parents planned a party for me!!! :) I had never been looking forward to turning 35 and being officially in my mid-30's...but the party certainly made the celebration exciting (I love birthdays anyway - regardless of age!)...and it was so nice to have something to look forward to while I was in the hospital!! :)

We had the party on Sunday, September 28 -- my actual birthday. So that was 3 days after I got out of the hospital. It was a princess theme. :) But truly, it was a "Happily Ever After" theme - which is what was printed on the plates and cups.

By the way, the pink roses on the table above were my birthday gift from Kevin. :) Kevin loves to give Mommy flowers!!! :)

My mother ordered me a fabulous castle birthday cake!!!! :) :)


The party was held at our church. They moved a glider rocker out of the nursery for me to use, and I sat there for the majority of the party, as it hurts to stand or walk much. I was pretty comfortable in the glider. :)

And I was crowned with a princess tiara for the day. ;)

I wore my birthday present from my family: a large diamond and pink sapphire cross necklace! My dad had it custom made for me!!! :) It was a gift from my parents, as well as from my brother Greg, his wife Cathi, and their children, Brandy and Jeremy. :)

Steve knelt down to talk to me, and suddenly cameras started flashing all around. Ha! We thought it was so funny, because this same thing happened at our wedding reception 9 years ago! ha! :) Steve knelt down to talk to me while I was sitting, and suddenly everyone was snapping our picture. ;) He's definitely my Prince Charming!!

Kevin posed with the cake.

According to our guest book, there were 61 people in attendance! :) This also included my parents, my brother and his family from Texas, and my Aunt Diane from Canada!


We had a hallway set up for the kids to color princess pictures and watch "Enchanted" (one of my favorite movies!).

Steve gave a wonderful little speech before everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me! :)

I felt sooo loved to be surrounded by so many friends and family -- and to have them all singing to me at once! :)

I realized I couldn't bend over to blow out the candles, so Steve and Kevin did it for me. :)

Denise, Aunt Diane, and my mom helped with the cake.

Kien had a great time with Aunt Cathi - who even fed him cake!! :)

Some friends even came from out of state for my party!!!! :) :) My good friend Jenny is a college friend and former "cottagemate," and my good friend Amber was my grad school roommate. Amber's mother came as well!

This is a picture of the 3 "Furmanites" in attendance. :) Kimberly is a college friend who is local.

I'm pretty sure this picture shows our expressions when we looked outside and saw this...

Uncle Greg had taken Kien outside to play ball! :)


Kien loved the balloons! He thought they were sooo funny!!! :) (The photo above is Aunt Cathi holding Kien...plus Jeremy, Brandy, and Kevin.)

I had such a WONDERFUL time at the party!!! Thank you to everyone who came and helped make my day sooo special!!! I felt very loved!!! :)

Hope

Today was my last day of radiation!! HOORAY!!!! There is always the possibility that my new oncologist may decide to radiate one of the smaller locations that they discovered in the scans that were done within the days leading up to surgery. But for now, I am done with radiation. They did the major areas: left shoulder and pelvic region / right hip.

I was very happy and relieved, and then we had to talk to the radiation oncologist after the treatment today. I was feeling uncomfortable, because getting onto and off of the table had caused some pain today. I was also feeling emotionally anxious about some other things going on, I was feeling a bit sick, and I was freezing cold in their office. So I did not feel like lingering for a long conversation with the doctor. But then the conversation did not go as I had expected. When we asked questions (covering topics that really have already been discussed in the past), I wasn't liking his answers. Basically, his answer was always that there are no guarantees. But some of the answers surprised me... such as the fact that I just assumed that since my shoulder should be getting better in terms of pain, that I will regain function of that arm. But he said that that may not be the case, and I may need to see an orthopedist to discuss surgery. WHAT???!!!! Currently, Steve and my mom are learning to put barrettes in my hair and such, since I can't raise my arm -- and I have a lot of trouble doing other things, such as even getting out of bed, due to lack of movement of that arm. I was so upset at this point and so uncomfortable that I just wanted to walk out of the room. I eventually stood up and paced the room as Steve and the doctor finished the conversation.

After we left, I cried and cried. Steve and I had planned to go get something done after the appointment (I never go out to do anything these days other than appointments, so this was already unusual) -- but at this point, I just asked him to take me home. I just wanted to go to bed. Steve, as always, was very sympathetic, yet encouraging. And he reminded me that he knows that God is going to see us through this. I do not need to be afraid.

So we got home, and Steve had to go make some photocopies for me in the bonus room. I sat on our bed and debated what to do with myself for a few minutes while I waited. And I decided to read the cards that had come in the mail yesterday, while still feeling quite depressed and defeated. And this is when God spoke to me. The very first card I opened was from my cousin John, his wife Jillian, and their family. And it was no coincidence that I read this card at this time. I read it and cried. Then when I showed it to Steve, he also cried and was in complete agreement that this was God's doing. Here is what the card says:

Life's Pathway
An Inspirational Message by Emily Matthews

At times, life's path
seems filled with things
that make the going rough,
And we wish there were
a smoother road,
for we feel we've had enough...

But, if we pause a moment
and remember Who's in charge,
The hills that loom ahead of us
no longer seem so large,
And every rock before us,
when we know we're not alone,
Becomes, not just a stumbling block,
but one more stepping stone.

Then the card's inside says:

You've overcome so many things,
and, every time, you've grown
Through sheer determination
and the wisdom that you've shown.
So, as you face this journey,
from the moment you begin,
Know that God will guide you,
and you'll have the strength to win.

As Steve then said... "Thank you, God!!"

By the way, I should add that I have been feeling better today overall!! And this afternoon, I have actually regained some movement in my left arm!!!!!!! I even had a piece of food in my left hand and actually raised my left arm to put it in my mouth!!!! WOW!!! AND....I NEVER had a panic attack all day!!! WOW!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!! :) :)