The new norm

Grant and I arrived home before midnight Dec. 26. Without the focus of caring for three children and maintaining a busy household, I find my mind is fixated on my grief. I learned when my Dad died many years ago that grief is selfish - you miss what the other person did for you. I am now experiencing life as it is going to be without a daily flood of emails and IMs. I had nightmares all night my first three nights home, but things are getting better. Last night, I dreamed about Karin, but it wasn't a nightmare. She was enjoying the crafty part of heaven. It was like a wonderful, elegant carnival where she saw a magical popup manger scene she could make which she throught Kevin would love. Whatever she is doing, she is loving it! After all, it is heaven!!!
I can talk to friends now without breaking down (usually). Jan. 2nd, I return to the children until Steve feels ready to handle everything on his own.
I am broken and spilled out. Yet my Lord was broken and spilled out for me. He must have some purpose for calling Karin, my shining star, home. Thank heavens, I still have my glowing comet, Greg. Not only do I have him, but twenty-six hours after we lost Karin, he called us (at 2:00 AM no less...) to tell us that Cathi had had two positive pregnancy tests! As Job 1:21 is often paraphrased, The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Video Montage

The funeral home chose from the thousands of photos we gave them (no mean task!) to create a video image of Karin. It runs for 20 minutes and can be seen at http://www.mem.com/movie/MovingMemories.asp?ID=2761956. The video ran continuously at both Visitation times and at the Reception following the funeral.

New posts

Please note that there are new posts back to the funeral, Dec. 19. After scrolling through the current page, you will have to click on "older posts" to get to all of them.

I leave this weekend to go home for a week. I am being replaced by a cousin from Canada who is coming to spend the week with the kids.

Christmas in the Faulkner House

Karin, the ultimate organizer in my shadow, had purchased all the gifts online. Boxes have been accumulating inside the front door for the past few weeks. Cousins, detained by the weather, helped with the wrapping. There were smiles and laughter this morning, but we lacked the traditional movie of the children waiting on the steps (that would have been difficult anyway with two 18 month olds!). Also the joy and sparkle that traditionally accompanies Christmas Day were tarnished.

Kevin with Santa

Kevin decided that he was ready to visit Santa. However, he did not want to wear the Polar Bear sweater his mother had intended. After standing in line for an hour, he was unsure of this venture. Santa and his elves remembered us immediately and again expressed their sorrow. Santa's mother is doing a bit better. We sat on the floor in front of Santa and watched a few children behind us in line have their photos taken, then he reluctantly allowed his photo to be taken with Daddy, but definitely not ON Santa's lap nor would he speak to Santa. For Kevin, the best part of the experience was watching the photos being printed and coming out of the machine.

Santa Visit

Kevin is having a very hard time. He did not want to wear the new polar bear sweater Mommy had bought for him to wear for his Santa picture, and he did not want to visit Santa. He stayed home with Daddy while Grampy, Heather (nanny), and I took the babies to see Santa. They were very good as we waited in line for an hour. One of Kevin's preschool teachers was in line also with her daughter. When it was our turn, Aria cried on Santa's lap, so I had to sit with Santa to make this picture happen. Santa was intrigued with the adopted children and was asking multiple questions and declaring that parents who adopt are the finest people in the world. All of this conversation was happening while the photographer was trying to get a decent photo. Apparently, Heather was saying that each shot was not good enough causing the photographer to become irritated that it was taking so many shots. I finally told Santa that the children's Mommy had passed away a week ago today. He was shocked and dismayed. Tears started rolling down his cheeks. When I told him that she had kidney cancer, he said that his mother was dying of kidney cancer, and he hoped that she would live until he arrived on Christmas as he could not leave town until he had completed his job. Grant said, "We are sorry to put a damper on your day." He replied, "Damper on MY day?" His glasses fogged up and the photographer had to clean them for him. Grant comforted him while the long line waited for Santa to regain his composure.

Heartwarming

About three weeks ago, Karin and Steve's church announced a very special gathering to pray for and sing carols to Karin at their house on December 21 at 6:30 PM. The plan went forward with the alteration of praying for the family. Close to 40 people encircled the house, each holding an unlit candle. The first person ignited their candle and said a prayer, then lit the candle next to them. Each person prayed for the family until the entire circle glowed in candle light. Then they sang a few carols before leaving the yard. It was a beautiful, moving time with holiday overtones.