Oncologist Appt

We had my oncologist appointment this afternoon. Again, Steve and my dad went with me. My mom stayed home with the boys.

The oncologist was a very sweet woman at time. That part was true. But wow....it was far from what we expected. However, Steve has now informed me that he and my parents may have all known ahead of time (due to some research) that this was more serious than any of us had realized. It was an awful afternoon. I can't even write much about it now. I am 34 years old, and the oncologist just described my cancer as being "advanced." And she talked about areas of concern of where it could move....areas which are quite scary.

So now in addition to the 2 CT scans and bone scan tomorrow morning... I will be seeing a radiologist to talk about radiation therapy. Then the urologist again a couple hours later.

Then Friday, I have another MRI. And on Monday, I have 2 more MRI's. Then things will probably move very fast into radiation or surgery.

But what was made clear today is that this is only the beginning. It's going to be a big battle. My hopes of this being a smaller scale battle flew out the window this afternoon. As the doctor said, it is treatable, but it is not cureable.

I can't believe I'm even able to write this much right now. I was sobbing and sobbing at the doctor's office. They even brought in a social worker to talk to me and gave me half an anti-anxiety pill on the spot. So either that pill or our God is giving me the strength to be able to type right now.

On our way home, I asked Steve to call a friend to have her pick up Kevin, feed him dinner, and have him play with their kids for the evening. I didn't want Kevin to witness the emotion in our home this evening. And I knew I couldn't deal with facing my mother when my dad told her the summary of our visit. I was already nauseous from all my crying and needed to take care of myself. I made a point of being the one to tell Kevin that he was going over to his friends' house to play and eat dinner. He cried!! But in the end, he was ok, and he brought along his gankie and 2 stuffed animals. Steve and I headed upstairs to be alone - and for me to try to cut the pain. I was overdue on my narcotics, plus the stress had really worked me up and hurt my muscles and nerves. After a warm bath and some narcotics, I'm coping again. Now my parents are at the drugstore getting 3 new prescriptions for me - 2 pain meds (one is stronger than the narcotics - ugh) and valium. Now I also need an over-the-counter med to counter some of the side effects of one of the pain meds. So it freaks me out to see the quantity of pills increasing already.

By the way, after all my bawling, a nurse came in and said they realized they should do a simple blood test today before my tests tomorrow. You've got to be kidding me!!! I actually had to say no. I had been crying so much, I was in so much pain, and I felt nauseous from what all had just happened. I think they can save one more needle for tomorrow. And they did agree to do that. I am not a super hero.

Some friends from church have assembled a prayer night for me at church tonight at 7:30pm. Praise God for that!!!!

Thank you ALL for your prayers and encouragement!!!!!!! I'm so glad already that I set up this blog to communicate with everyone. And it really is so therapeutic to me to be writing like this.