Kevin

Kevin's health was better today - still a nasty cough but none of the pain and weakness he scared me with last night.

I've heard him *proudly* tell a few people that his mommy is an angel in heaven now, and after a slight pause tag on sadly "but we miss her". It is so wonderful that he is holding on to this positive image!! That mommy went to heaven is the first thing I did tell him yesterday morning, but I did not really do anything else to accentuate the positive (as he was bawling, I was focusing on validating his feelings of loss).
I know Heather had some part in helping him build this positive image of mommy now!! Thank you Heather!!! Heather also reminded me of this picture on our wall of a beautiful angel playing a harp, so I pointed it out to Kevin later and he said "that's what my mommy is like now!!!" :-) It was awesome! It is a great remembrance of a beautiful woman. Kevin has told his mommy a lot in the last year how beautiful she is :-)

Heather is our new nanny. Karin only got to meet her once, for 2 hours, but Karin was so looking forward to spending more time with her, sensing a certain kindred spirit. Heather walked into a tough situation, starting last week on Karin's first full day in ICU, and she has been a great blessing in the midst of this challenging week!

Back to the ER!

At 3:30am Kevin (who had been sleeping in my bed) woke me crying and coughing, saying his tummy hurt and saying he was so cold. He did not look well and a quick feel of his forehead showed he had a fever. In the past I would have given him some tylenol and sent him back to bed, but these were the same complaints Karin had last week, and just 27 hours later her system had already suffered so much damage that her organs were failing despite all the docs could do! I do not want to loose my son too!!!
I woke grandma and grandpa who were trying to get the first good night of sleep in 5 days, and grampy and I took Kevin to the ER.
When I explained about my wife they understood my concern.

Xrays showed that Kevin has small spots of likely pneumonia, but no appearance of the deadly septic shock that killed Karin - his blood oxygen level is normal. They prescribed an antibiotic for the pneumonia. We were home at 6am, but I could not sleep- just lay in bed and look at Kevin and talk to God.

I have never been one to worry about things such as this, but I'm still worried about Kevin despite the doctors reassurances....
Karin's doctors said she was in good health on Dec 18, but 2 days later it was too late to stop the progression of organ failure. Obviously Karin's immune system was weaker, but our oncologist says it was strong enough especially compared to other cancer patients, and they had never mentioned it to us as a concern, even at our appointment 12 hours before Karin got sick. Also, the hospital never isolated the infection that Karin had, and said it could have been viral, which will not respond to antibiotic. I will probably never feel a hot forehead again without a little bit of panic in my stomach.

Logistics

There will be a viewing Thursday, Dec. 18, from 6:00 to 9:00 PM. Another viewing will be Friday, Dec. 19, from noon to 2:00 PM. The funeral service will begin at 2:00 PM followed by the burial, then refreshments back at the church.

The viewings and the funeral will be at Summit, an Evangelical Covenant Church at 590 Westhigh St., Cary, NC. http://www.redeemercc.org/ (Karin has been the Webmaster, among other things, for several years)

Nearby hotels are --
La Quinta, 191 Crescent Commons, Cary, NC. 919-851-2850 (At La Quinta, family can ask for bereavement rates.)
Hampton Inn, 201 Ashville Ave., Cary, NC 919-859-5559

In lieu of flowers, gifts can be made to Summit Church for the Karin Faulkner Family Fund. Its purpose will be determined by the church in the future.

Tentative Schedule

Arrangements are being made to honor Karin and all those she has blessed with her life.

Viewing Thursday 6pm-9pm, Friday 12pm-2pm, Furneral Friday 2pm

God is Good

God is Good! My Love, my Princess, has gone to her etternal palace!!! :-)

I shed many tears in the last 3 months, but at the moment of her passing I have only joy!
Though we will miss her greatly here, at this moment I can think only of her and the joy she is being freed to - perfection and joy - the world she always tried to make reality here on earth!! :-)
No more pain, only joy. God is Good!! She's finally with Him!!!!!!!!!!!! :-))

After recording every day of our kids lives on blogs, after all the joy and encouragement she has given and received online, it is so very fitting to record the end of her physical life here. :-)

Our life together has been a wondous love story, a great adventure, with many joys and many struggles - great expectations, great disappointments, and great joys! True life!!! Well lived!!

I wish I could go with her now, but I must first finish the work we started together.
The adventure continues - a new chapter begins.
Glory to God.

The Vigil continues

If Karin's organs were to miraculously recover, her fingers and toes would need an even greater miracle. They are far gone and getting worse. People can recover from and learn to live with such major loss of function, but it is a very hard and painful rehabilitation. Karin would be adding the pain and horror of loosing those to the pain she has already been living with that makes it painful to sit or stand for long, and sometimes even painful to lay in bed - despite high doses of pain killers she was already on, she has needed to shift constantly to stay out of pain. Shifting was difficult due to the sharp pains she has in her left shoulder. Imagine being in pain and immobile because her hands and feet are so painful. And after the pain and horror of loosing her fingers and toes, while enduring the current cancer pain, then she would have increasing cancer pain to endure.
Sorry for the graphic image, but this is what Karin and our family will face if she recovers only partially - if she merely survives.
This would be a living hell - more than I would wish on the worst person live.

Please pray for Karin to suffer no more pain - either due to the miracle of *complete* recovery, or else the mercy and joy of Karin going home to our heavenly Father.

The feable attemps that we as men can make to hold off death have been stopped. It is in God's hands now and I pray only the He is merciful.

Miracles are possible

Karin is improving! :-o
The doctors think this might not be her time to go!
Karin, the etternal optimist, would say this with a full page of exclaimation marks!

I, though, am filled with fear and doubt. Yesterday we said goodbye and we had some peace about Karin going to a better place, free of pain forever. Today is much harder. Peace more ellisive.

Saving her hands and feet appears impossible - though Karin would interject that yesterday, even being alive today appeared impossible. I don't know if she can bear amputation... What am I saying??!! I am thinking of a Karin that only her family sees and only I fully see - that is terrified of every shadow, every unknown. She has often seen monsters where I saw only shadow. But without fail her unquenchable faith and hope return, and she becomes blind to all but the good.
A normal optimist would say the glass is half full. I have always said that Karin is one that says the glass is all the way full.


And so they are resuming some of the system supportive drug measures they stopped yesterday, and reducing her sedation to see if she is able to show signs of responsiveness and so that they do not do harm by slowing her breathing.

And our vigil continues - with greater uncertainty and less peace, yet giving God the chance to bring Karin home for some period of time, which I know without doubt is what Karin would choose to believe is possible.
I know you will continue the vigil with us.