Approximately 130 days ago, our family's world changed. Who would have believed that our healthy, 34 year old daughter, Karin, had won the negative lottery and was diagnosed with kidney cancer, a condition typically found in 55 year old men?
We suffered through the stages of tragedy including denial, anger, loss, hope, aggressive fighting, and ultimately acceptance.
All of the obvious questions have been asked and the important ones have been answered personally. "Why did God allow this to happen?" "Is this God's will?" We have even suffered the meaningless platitude that "God doesn't make mistakes."
We do not understand God's permissive will which allows evil to exist in the world. We do, however, believe that God strengthens those who call upon Him for help in time of crisis. We have implored Him to help us during these 130 days, and we will continue to do so into the future.
Karin, the optimist, saw the glass as full and overflowing rather than just half full. How can we find anything good in this story? What could be worse in life than losing your dearly loved child? Well, we have found some positive things and, in fact, it could have been worse.
Karin Michelle Walsh Faulkner was not perfect (even Dad knows that), but she was an incredible woman. She set an example with her life which was remarkable to many. Her commitments to her God, her family, and her friends were extraordinary. Her interaction with strangers on a day to day basis brightened their days.
Karin was talented, disciplined, accomplished, intellectually curious, loving, generous, and kind.
The final measure of Karin's life is in her 101 day journey toward death. She asked all the questions of denial. She asked me the worst questions that a Dad can hear: "Did the doctor say that I'm dying, Dad?" "Will I ever be able to hold my babies again?" "Why did God let me have these babies if I won't be here to care for them?"
Beyond the questions of her own doubt, Karin began to leave a legacy of her writing which tells the story of her faith, her courage, her hope, and her love. She expressed her fears and illustrated that courage is not necessary if you have no fear. Karin was fearful yet victorious over her fears.
Karin went through the phase of anger and disbelief regarding her condition and then she fought viciously until the end. She did want to live to be Mom to these beautiful children and to be Steve's wife.
Unfortunately, Karin's life ended; tragically for those who survive, with only reflection and memories remaining.
Karin Walsh Faulkner's life was a life well lived. She accomplished incredible things in her brief 35 years and left a legacy which is a positive example to hundreds.
We are proud of Karin's life, accomplishments, character, and death in the most superlative of terms.
Blessings of the last 130 days include the time itself where we were able to express everything of love and adoration to Karin personally. There was nothing important left unsaid. She certainly died knowing that we love her. We shared together 101 days of dying.
Another blessing of the time is the writings of Karin which we will cherish forever and which have been an encouragement to many, some on a clinical journey and all of us on a faith journey.
For me personally, a blessing of the time was the last 103 hours which Karin and I spent together. I want to believe that she was aware of my presence. I talked to her, sang to her, held her hand, brushed her hair, and protected her. I promised her that I would not leave her and that she would not be in pain. It was an intimate time which is a more blessed memory than anguishing nightmare, although I have my moments.
In the last 30 days of the 130, you, family, friends, and strangers, have been incredibly supportive and have helped us to bring some meaning to this terrible saga. We are deeply grateful to you for your comfort and sympathy.
Please, do not let Karin's life and death be in vain. Let us learn from the positive example of her life and recommit ourselves to faith, family, and friends. Let's hug our children.
The "Karin's Updates" blog should not go on forever, so this represents the concluding post. Your comments are welcome into the future.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your kindnesses expressed in many ways. May we use that which we have learned from the lessons of Karin's life and death in serving God and others.
With sincere appreciation,
Karin's Dad
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22 comments:
I, as a friend who loved and admired Karin very much, can only imagine what you have experienced as her parents since Sept 5. It has been painful and incomprehensible for me...and so much more than that for you. In the end, she experienced everything that matters--love, joy, happiness, feelings of worth, she grew and laughed and cried in life--especially her own love of parents, her children, and Steve. But it was too short and that is the "catch". You are right that we demand personal answers to the questions we ask. Karin certainly asked many questions about life when it made no sense to her (or to me.) I have struggled with this and am getting answers in my constant search for truth. You must believe that your words and actions speak eloquently about your own spiritual journey, the love you have for family and friends and most of all your role in the lives of Karin, Greg and their children. You are master teachers of all that is truly important.
What a beautiful conclusion to the blog. I promise to take your thoughts and advice to heart. Take care, sweet Dad of Karin, I feel blessed to have gotten to know you even in these, the hardest of times. And, Karin, my dearest friend in Heaven, . . . until we meet again . . .
It's hard to follow up with a comment after a conclusion like that. To put it simply... I miss my sister.
Greg
Dear Karin: ... looking forward to seeing you again! Love, Aunt Diane
I wondered when this time would come...the end of "Karin's Updates."Secretly, I had hoped it would go on forever. I don't want it to end. I don't want it to because it is finality...Karin isn't coming back and I have a hard time swallowing this sometimes. So, if the blog ends, it means she's gone. For me, I think I have allowed her to continue living because blogging was such a huge part of her life and i could always come back here, to her blog, to read posts by her loved ones. This end is bittersweet, but much understood. And so I say Thank you for allowing us to be a part of not only her journey, but of yours as well. As you move past 130 days, I pray for peace, for courage and for wisdom. I pray for Kevin that his heart will regain happiness and although much of life as he knew has been altered, the path he has before him is not. Much love...
Katie (Meyer)
Seems everytime I read another remembrance of Karin there is a lump in my throat. Yes, I also miss the blogs and forwarding them on to Steve's parents. However praise the Lord she is now with Him in Glory and free from the pain. What a privilege to have been a part of her life via e-mail and plan to join her someday in God's time and all the other's who love and believe in our Saviour Jesus Christ. What an awesome time to look forward to. Far beyond my imagination and yet He promised and always keeps His promises. Love and prayers for all of you. Dorothy
I am speechless and I miss Karin as we all do. I thank you for your conclusion to the blog and we continue to pray for your family. I even talk to Karin in my mind and my prayers. I enjoy seeing pics that Steve posts on Facebook and hope to see him and the kiddos when they can visit us here in Florida when he is ready.
Love,
Heather
What a beautiful conclusion!! Your entire family's faith in God is amazing, just as Karin always showed us too.
I miss Karin so much. I think of her frequently and miss reading her words and getting her advice. I frequently ask myself 'What would Karin say about this?' She always had such wise and heart felt words.
Thank you for continuing this blog and sharing with all of us.
God bless you always,
love
Angela (Hayden)
Thank you and God bless you.
Thank you Grant and Nina for continuing Karin's blog, and her story, as you have. I am another AWAA mom and had the honor of spending an evening with Karin and Steve shortly after we brought our daughter home from Russia. They were anxiously awaiting Kevin's referral (his referral pics, as a matter of fact, were taken the very next day), but were so genuinely happy about our complete adoption, including bringing gifts for our daughters. Karin and I often were up at the same time of night and would burn up the keyboard messaging back and forth. I miss those messages. Whenever any of us posted a mesage to the AWAA board, Karin could always be counted on to respond, and to respond with comfort and encouragement. I will miss those messages as well. She was an extraordinary person and I am blessed to have been a part of her life and to have had her in mine. She is sorely missed, but I know she lives on in the many lives of those she touched.
Dawn Keim
What a wonderful tribute to Karin's life and ending to this blog. I will miss hearing about the kids, though. I, too, have a baby from Lang Son and would love to know how Kien and Aria are doing in the future. Hopefully we will have some way of getting in contact with your family:)
Karin,
I know where you are and who you're with, and that is a comfort to us all. I didn't know you well, but you are still my sister in Christ. That would be reason enough to miss you. Thank you for exemplifying the joy and unconditional love of Christ I was witness to. I will think of you often when I look to your side of the church.
Steve,
I hate death. So did Jesus. I'm thankful He came to conquer it. And what he has allowed to come to you, He will equip you for. Easy is a word you should temporarily remove from your vocabulary. He hasn't forgotten you. And those children will be such a blessing. I pray that your mind will have peace and your heart will find healing.
Grant and Nina,
THank you for your ministry to those of us at Summit. I couldn't have gone through hell any better than you guys did. I'm sorry you had to. It won't have been in vain. And, I rejoice with you that when you see your daughter's face again in Heaven, all the pain and sorrow you've experienced here will also be gone in a twinkling of the eye. GOd bless you as you continue the work of loving those children.
Jan Yarborough
Grant received this from a friend:
Grant,
What a bittersweet moment to close the blog. The blog has been a portal on a journey - a journey of love, and hope and prayer and promise. It has been incredible to have had an opportunity to share that journey with you and Karin.
You have accurately described the painful, personal part of the journey but I wonder if you realize the deep impact it had on so many people who followed along. We were but observers on a very personal journey that many never have a chance to share. This was made possible by the use of technology that made us intimate participants in a very personal story even up until the final moments of Karin's life. I was deeply touched that even during that most difficult time as death approached you took the time to update others on Karin's path. Your openness and sharing and Karin's constant blogs drew us in deeper and deeper as we lived her pain and her fears.
Here was a chance to witness a journey that is often hidden behind closed doors. And yet the fearful part for us of approaching death was shared with us all. We felt your pain and your loss so deeply because we had become a part of the story. You and the family opened your hearts to the world and for that we owe you a debt of gratitude.
It is difficult to let go because we continue to return to the blog hoping that there will be more - that the story will have a different ending, but knowing sadly that time cannot be rewritten. Karin touched so many lives around the world, even though many had not met her. She has left an incredible legacy and challenged all those left behind to live their lives with the courage and conviction that she did.
We are left behind to continue our journey of life motivated by Karin's example of living a full live surrounded by family and friends- filled with optimism and love. We are enriched by our memories of a life well lived.
Kate
Thank you, Grant, for your transparancy as you conclude Karin's blog. Karin's life and death will not be in vain. She and your family have impacted and challenged countless others, including myself. I will not forget the time in the hospital, just after Karin's surgery, when she was so encouraged by others (especially strangers), that after reading her blog, were drawn to her source of faith, hope and love. In Christ alone.
Nina,
What a mom/grandma! I can't imagine how hard it has been to leave your home, take over running Karin and Steve's day to day operations while Karin was ill, and try to deal with watching your daughter suffer. Your sacrifice will not be in vain. You are an example of really being there, and how love always wins.
Steve,
As you try to get through these difficult days, remember that others are here for you and that God loves you. Some how it is easy for me to picture Karin, transfigured as Moses and Elijah were, with Jesus. I eagerly await joining her!
Love,
Janet H
The open manner in which Karin, and now her loved ones, have shared this journey could not have been easy, and I thank you all. If it is time to close the journal, then please know my thoughts will return to these events and these people--Karin and her husband and children, and all her family and friends who miss her so much--and when it does, I will say a prayer for you all. I told someone in my breast cancer support group that it doesn't matter what type of cancer claims a life, I always feel that in this battle I share with so many, someone fighting next to me has gotten a bullet. It's a form of shell shock, and comes with both anger for her loss, and survivor's guilt. Not to mention fear--cancer has been in my body, and the doctors say I may not escape it in the end, either. As I move through these thoughts and feelings, I take comfort in the faith displayed by the one who fell, and by God's mercies recorded in the journal. I know we all wanted His mercy to include her healing, and the mystery of God's will in a death like hers is one beyond our feeble grasp. But in her passing I have witnessed this truth--the greater the need, the greater the Grace God sheds upon his loved one as they journey home. I am not trying to make this about me, or to say God allowed her to die to show others His grace. Please forgive me if any of this comes out wrong. I am just reflecting how this journal, which could not have been easy to keep up, is Karin's last gift to so many whom she knew or did not know. How selfless of her, and of you who kept it up for her. I am very sorry for your loss, and I am indebted to Karin and you for sharing so much along the way. Prayers, Janine Miller
Dear Janine Miller,
I have been an observer of Karin's faith, courage, hope and love. I would have born the pain for her but that was not allowed.
We prayed for a miracle. The primary miracle for me was that my daughter would not be in pain and that she would be at peace. Her healing would have been an over the top phenomena. God answered our prayer. She is at peace.
Janine, the triumph of evil over good is not God's will. He does not want you or Karin to die. But Janine, if you do die, please leave a legacy that honors Him.
I do not understand God's permissive will that allows trials and evil to prevail in the world. I do however believe that He will give you strength, Janine. Obviously, He already has.
My family, and hopefully this whole network of people, will include you in our prayers. Your trials are large compared to our tiny issues.
Janine, God is there for you and me when we call upon Him. We may not always understand his answers to our pleas but He does care about us and does answer prayer.
"May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you peace."
We pray in the strong name of the Christ. Amen.
Karin's Dad
Grant, Nina
What wonderful parents you have been to Karin and her family. Your unselfish acts have been done with love, faith, and hope. You both have gone above and beyond the extra mile to ease the pain of Karin and her family. Your love for their children knows no bounds. God bless you both.
PS I will miss the blog as well.
Susan
Thank you, Karin's dad. I will ponder your words. Also, that Biblical prayer you posted is one of my favorites, that I think of often. I pray it for you, as well. ~ Janine
I, too, will miss the blog, but am thankful for the tool it has been in God's hands to impact so many lives. Karin's legacy will certainly live on. Our family will continue to pray for yours - for peace, healing, and restoration. He is able...
Jennifer & Michael Deason
"Please, do not let Karin's life and death be in vain. Let us learn from the positive example of her life and recommit ourselves to faith, family, and friends. Let's hug our children."
I wanted you all to know that this is exactly how Karin's story has affected me. I only knew Karin in passing, we shared some brief time together as we traveled in Vietnam last June to bring home our babies. I also knew her from correspondance through email and message boards. In that short time, however, Karin's spirit influenced me. So rarely do we rub shoulders with someone who is obviously loving, caring, kind, compassionate and creative and so when we do, we are struck by it just as when a candle shines out of the dark night. We are drawn to its flame, wanting to bask ourselves in its glow and warmth. That's what Karin's brief foray into my life was like. I will forever remember her in spite of how little I knew her, and her influence will affect my entire life course going forward. I ache for all of you who no longer have her light and who miss her hugs and loving care. May God grant you the peace and strength to move forward in this world and have wonderful lives because that's what I'm sure Karin would have wanted for you, and for all of us.
Warmly, Debbie Slawinski
Joe Herne, a first cousin once removed, wrote this post, "Family Ties and Lessons Learned" in his blog -- http://joeboe610.wordpress.com/2009/01/12/family-ties/#comments
Several weeks ago I came to find out that a distant cousin of mine passed away. Although I had only ever met her once at a family reunion, I have never forgotten her. She was so kind and funny, and I remember playing cards with her and her husband Steve up in a loft area. I remember laughing and feeling like family even though I had just met her.
I have kept up with her blog ever since the day I was in the library working and other cousin of mine, Marsha Rivers, approached me with news of Karin’s terrible kidney cancer. Through reading her words and the many words of others, I have come to realize just how amazing Karin was. Reading how many lives she affected through her blog was amazing. People from all over talked about how they new Karin and how she affected their lives so deeply. After reading posts, posts, and more posts I lean back in my chair and shake my head in shock of how one person can be so influential to so many people in such a positive way.
So what have I learned from Karin? Optimism. She was always looking to the bright side. It never in a way that could be viewed as denial of what is bad, but rather knowing that God is always good, and we should always rejoice in that. Love. Karin expressed love in so many ways and so it affected so many people. She was passionate. She was passionate for adopting, France, princesses, the harp, her family. In so many ways I desire to be like Karin. I desire to be optimistic, loving, and passionate for the things that matter the most to me in life. The life she lived is proof of what a person can achieve. She was a perfect person to model, and so many things I will try to be now that I have discovered what life she lived.
Again, reading her blogs and the posts made by so many people, I find myself wanting to tear up again and again. Karin was truly an amazing woman that all women should strive to be like. Her compassion seemed endless even to complete strangers. Her passion was not only with people, but also God. This by itself has affected me so much. I look in myself and realize my distance from God now. I look to Karin’s example, and realize where I could be. I want to love God the way she loved God. Her love for God and her faith has let her become an influential soldier for Christ. Her love reflects the love from our Lord, and I tear up again. She is living proof like many before her that we as humans must cling to God. Although her life was short-lived, she impacted so many lives. More than I can hope to impact in my entire life.
Why has Karin affected me so much? Her day-to-day example is the answer to that question, but I feel deeply affected even more when I realize that the same blood that runs through her runs through me too. What is stopping me from achieving such passion and love? Her life now makes me question mine, and I have found myself rethinking my goals, and changing my attitude.
It will be all I can do to live as she lived, and love God every step of the way. As Karin stated so many times in her life, I will now end this blog quoting her, “God is Good!”
I am so sorry for your lost. I happen to be another blog and she mentioned Karin's passing.
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